The numbers don't lie. In fact they tell a disturbing story we all must hear. For years now we have watched as study after study and survey after survey tell us what we already know- those students who graduate out of our professionally led youth ministries struggle to maintain their church "connectedness" during their college years. For me it tends to be one of two things: either my graduates end up being "cling-ons"- graduates who find ways to still hang around the youth ministry - or they simply disappear a few months into their college careers, and I end up hearing about them after they've moved to another church or out of the church altogether.

I live in a college town; many of my graduating high school students choose to attend schools that are within driving distance. That being the case, these students should, by all accounts, continue to be meaningfully involved in the life of our church. But, like you, I too have several who will pack their bags into their economy cars and begin a completely new life in another city or state. Whether they stay or go, the problem remains the same; I have unwittingly prepared them for a church that doesn't exist.

How? Let me count the ways, and watch to see if any of these things are familiar to you.

How often youth ministers say to themselves, "I'll have to jazz this up if anyone's ever going to listen to me!" Consequently, our teens learn to listen only when entertained, impressed, or emotionally moved. More than that, our teens learn to measure the quality of the content by the entertainment value of the medium!

Have you ever been to an event with your teens that featured more than one or two speakers? Have you ever noticed that the best, most captivating communicator is the one most listened to? I've even seen cases where a speaker said things that were absolutely contrary to our faith tradition, but because the speaker was funny and entertaining, the content of the sermon was never questioned.

Some of that is the world we live in; our society seems to also value the medium over the content of the message. But some of it is our fault. All too often we buy in and try to compete with society's toys, often making use of society's toys, all the while justifying ourselves with the line, "you have to if you're going to keep their attention."

At that point, guess what happens if the college pastor or the senior pastor doesn't use video clips, lyrics to a popular secular song, finger puppets, stunt doubles or melodrama? You got it - the content of the message is more likely to be rejected because the medium isn't what our new college students have come to expect.

If a worship war exists at your church, it might be the youth ministry that's to blame. Nowadays our students believe they have a God-given right to their own style of praise and worship. And why wouldn't they? More and more often, youth pastors are bending over backwards to provide their students with "worship experiences" that satisfy their tastes in music.

The problem is, once our graduates move into the sanctuary, they notice the absence of the drums, the electric guitars, the smoke machines, the strobe lights and the choruses that are two lines long but often repeated anywhere from 7 to 70 x 7 times.

Sure enough, our newly independent college students invoke their "fight or flight" privileges, and demand change or else. With little or no regard for those who actually like hymns or organs, the younger generations (again, fueled by their youth ministry experiences) start to grumble about leaving or about a new service for the "young people."

Ever compare the youth calendar to the whole church calendar? See any differences? Does the whole church calendar demonstrate a commitment to entertainment like the youth calendar does? How many adults would put up with a church activities calendar that looked anything like the youth calendar?

So you're a graduating senior; you've just finished up six or seven years of fun-filled activities designed to keep you entertained, healthy and happy. You waltz into "big-church," you sort through the upcoming events in the life of the church, and lo and behold, there's not a lock-in in sight. "This place is boring."

I must admit to you now that the problem isn't the toys, the music or the activities. Do we put the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syll-A-ble where those things are concerned? Perhaps, but those aren't fatal sins; perfect balance is difficult to find.

The fatal sin is building our churches and youth ministries around the appetites, desires and wishes of our congregations.

Let that sink in a little.

John Stott says it like this: "The church is the only organization that exists for the benefit of its non-members." But you might not know that looking at our churches.

What happens is that we feed the beast when we leave our teens with the impression that, like everywhere else in the world, they are "consumers" who by their consumeristic nature drive the shaping and programming of the church. When we are consumers, then we have the impression that we are or should be in control. We, the consumers; we tell the church how we need it to be. Is it any wonder then, that our little consumers shun the authority of the Church? How much authority can the Church have if the Church does whatever I tell it to do?

I would suggest to you that the Church that has succumbed to this "business-style" approach to churchmanship has no chance to be the Body of Christ that God dreams for us to be! Let me say it like this- shopping malls make terrible hospitals.

So what's the solution? I don't know if I have the perfect solution for you yet. As soon as I can bottle it, I'll let you know. And if you have it already, I'll take two bottles.

But I do have a few suggestions that might be helpful if you are interested in making your youth ministry into a hospital instead of a shopping mall.

1. Speak of the church in terms of family. There's great Scriptural support for this; check out the book of Acts as soon as you can.
2. Get your teens involved in other areas of the church: the children, the music, the senior adults, etc. Hopefully, you will build webs of connectedness for your teens!
3. Get into the habit of praying for your church and its pastoral staff.
4. Make sure that your youth ministry is trying to do and be what we see Christ doing and being.
5. Be careful that you define success correctly. Success is bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to bear on the Earth, not just more people or better events.
6. Don't overstuff your youth calendar. Leave some time for other things.
7. Sing hymns along with your choruses. It won't kill you.

There are so many other ideas! In the meantime, may your church never, ever be mistaken for a shopping mall!