Counseling People in a Time of Crisis

By Judith A. Schwanz

“In case of emergency, dial 9-1-1.” Prior to September 2001, the numbers 9-1-1 served in many communities as a symbol of crisis response. Today, those numbers remind us of the date, September 11, when terrorist attacks on American soil brought crisis to our front doors. The devastation in New York and Washington, D.C., touched lives across the world, and we continue to experience the rippling after-effects.

Some have called this “a crisis of epic proportions.” At times we may feel overwhelmed and wonder how we can begin to help people to cope in the midst of feelings of loss, fear, confusion, and instability. We, as church leaders, may not know how to deal with our own feelings either. Many seminary students have told me that the idea of ministering to people in crisis is frightening and they are not sure how they might respond.

We must not lose sight of the fact that families and individuals face smaller, yet no less painful, crises on a regular basis. The average American family will experience a crisis of moderate to severe nature every three to four years. A moderate crisis is one in which the individual experiences a sense of limitation, as in an injury, a significant illness or the loss of a job. A severe crisis is one in which the individual experiences a sense of loss, as in a life-threatening illness, a bankruptcy or the death of a loved one.

Think of the people in your congregation and the moderate or severe crises that they have experienced while you have been their pastor. Once you begin to list them, the sum of them can seem as overwhelming as the WTC disaster!

The R.E.A.P. Approach

We don’t need to feel helpless in the face of crisis. There are some basic principles of crisis counseling that can guide us in any crisis situation, no matter how large or small. We can summarize them using the acrostic R-E-A-P:

R: Respond in Relationship. In a time of crisis there is usually a four to six week window of time in which people are thrown into a state of disequilibrium. They feel “off balance” and seek to restore normalcy to their lives. We must respond to them in this time of need while they feel unsettled. Often we hesitate to respond because we’re not sure what to say.

We don’t have to be profound. We don’t have to have the “right answers.” As a matter of fact, many of our right answers end up being clichés that may cause more hurt than healing. Actually, the best response may be to not say anything. Just be. Be present. Listen, listen, and listen again. Provide a safe place for them to express their feelings. Whenever it is appropriate, touch the person in crisis. A hug, a pat on the back, even a touch on the arm can communicate so much more than words. I have had people literally cling to me as if seeking something solid in the midst of a shaking world.

E: Explore the Essentials. As you listen, the story of the crisis will emerge. Use gentle questioning and guidance to summarize what you hear, and to help the person identify the threat. Name it. Don’t be afraid to use real words like “cancer” or “death.” Your honesty assists and allows them to face reality.

A: Assist Actively. Once you have connected with the person and listened well, then you can help them to take action. Let them know their feelings are normal and will probably last a while, but you want to help them do what needs to be done now.
Find out what resources they already have to meet this crisis. What social support system do they have? Can you help them by calling family members or neighbors? How can the congregation help? What are the immediate needs? Housing? Food? Clothing? Transportation to medical appointments? Finances? What decisions need to be made today? Which can wait until later? Having explored the essentials, you can assist the individual or family in the necessary decision-making processes.

P: Plan. Assure the person in crisis that you will be there in the future, unless you know that you will be unable to do so. Do not make empty promises. Enlist others in ongoing support. A crisis may occur in a moment, but recovery takes time! Encourage them to talk about further action steps and consider how they can reach out to others to help and to be helped. Urge them to attend a support group if one is available. You might even offer to go with them the first time. Affirm progress. Remind them that after a crisis we never return to “pre-crisis normal,” instead we seek to find a “new normal” which takes into account our new reality.

Clergy Self-Care

Helping people in crisis can be overwhelming. The load becomes heavy. Pastors must take care of themselves as well, or crisis will overtake them. Emergency response professionals – firefighters, police, EMTs – often will participate in a Critical Incident Stress Debriefing following a major crisis. An essential component of CISD is talking about what happened, what they saw, how they acted, what they felt. You need to find a place where you can debrief. You might be able to debrief in a group of pastors, or with other leaders involved in the crisis situation. Some helpers find release in prayer, or in journaling; perhaps a prayer partner, or a professional counselor could assist you.

What crisis will someone in your church face today? Perhaps it will be a young husband who calls you from the hospital with news that his wife has just miscarried. Or a 40-something board member may catch you in the foyer just before the service and tell you he’s been terminated at work. Someone will receive a diagnosis of cancer. A couple will decide to divorce.

In each crisis situation, you can respond, explore, act and plan as you reach out in love. Each of these may take a different shape depending on the nature of the crisis, but the principles remain the same.

Paul wrote to the Thessalonian believers, “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thessalonians 2:8). Sometimes sharing life means sharing pain and sadness. May God bless you with delight as you share the gospel and your life with the people who have been entrusted to your care.

Judith A. Schwanz is associate professor of pastoral care and counseling at Nazarene Theological Seminary in Kansas City, Missouri.