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Be Careful Little Ears: Reaching with Children (and Parents) in Mind

Charles Christian

I should have been more organized on that particular Sunday. At the last minute, the children’s director asked if I would speak to the children in a “children’s sermon” format after our recognition of the children’s volunteers during the service. On the way to the front, I agreed, and then sat there for most of the initial music time wondering what I would say! Why didn’t I just suggest something else to her? I thought to myself.

The time came, right before prayer, to recognize the children’s workers. After this, the children’s director said, “Now before Children’s Church, Pastor Charles has a special message for our kids,” and she then called them forward. I’m pretty good with children, and so the initial interaction went well. I asked them about their schools, their teachers, if they like Children’s Church and Sunday School. Then, I asked them about Bible characters they like (I figured I could let them bring the children’s sermon, since I was having trouble thinking of one).

Right away, one boy said, “I like David!” I connected right away. After all, I like David, also. Quickly I thought about what I liked best about David and prepared to share it. “I like David,” I began, “not just because he did everything perfectly all the time, but also because he made some big mistakes and knew that he needed to ask God’s forgiveness.” This seemed like a good start, but I noticed some puzzled looks in the eyes of the children, including the boy who had first mentioned David, who was now raising his hand! He said, smiling, “David killed the bad guy named Goliath and was a brave king!”

Now the teacher in me was kicking in. I had made a statement, he had given me an answer, and now it was my turn to clarify my initial statement (about David not being good and brave all the time). So, I did: “But did you know, boys and girls,” I said, “that David made some really bad mistakes, too.” More puzzled looks from the children, and the boy who brought things up in the first place was beginning to drift! Quickly I searched through my mental files of the myriad of mistakes David made, and I just landed on one without thinking: “Like what he did to Bathsheba and her husband,” I blurted out. Now I had not only the attention of most of the kids, but of their parents as well! I have always heard that the power of a children’s sermon was that the parents would actually listen more intently—they would “overhear” the sermon—as Fred Craddock, professor of homiletics, once discussed. But this was not the kind of overhearing that I had hoped for, and now I was stuck with an attentive crowd of both kids and parents!

I realized what I had done. I had now opened up the door to a story that was not exactly “G” rated (in fact, it was at least rated R). I panicked, and then I struggled quickly to provide a G rated, overly-generalized (and not very accurate) ending to the “How David Messed Up” story that somehow brushed up against the point I was trying to make in the first place—but not really. So much for a challenging overheard children’s sermon. I ended by praying a quick prayer about God’s grace and forgiveness even in our failures, dismissed the children and their workers, and went on with the rest of the service (though I cannot to this day remember exactly what happened for the rest of the service). I do remember that after the service questions and comments flowed from the kids, and I remember responding at least once by saying, “Ask your parents.”

I also remember more puzzled looks from the kids, looks of dismay mixed with apology from the children’s director, and looks of both fear and slight relief from the parents and other onlookers that morning.

Kid-Friendly Preaching that Connects with All

This embarrassing moment in my pastoral life (one of many) is a constant reminder that little ears are listening to all the sermons I preach. A myriad of people of all age groups who spend their week battling to protect themselves and/or their children from the salacious, overly-provocative, X-rated world we live in are coming to hear God’s Word in a way that will change and challenge them. They know as I do that the stories in God’s Word are of real people, who also lived in an X-rated world (even though we don’t always admit that the biblical world was just as X-rated as ours sometimes). There needs to be room for sensitivity when dealing with children and teens as we seek to connect them to God’s truth.

As a parent, nothing bothers me on Sunday more than having a preacher or a teacher use a graphic illustration or dwell on the gory details of a story just to try to make a point. This can traumatize or at least shock the consciences of the little ones that we are trying to protect from the ravages of a culture that is too enamored with sensationalism and graphic violence. When I work with students who are preparing for ministry, I often find myself telling them that a particular sample sermon they create for my class would not cause me to want my children coming to their church! This is usually because a great introduction and text selection is ruined by a graphic description of a kidnapping and rape, or by referencing a movie that is way over the heads (and damaging to the hearts) of their listeners. As a parent, if I am protecting my kids from such graphic acts on the screen (both in the movies and in the media) during the week, why would I want them to be exposed to such things on Sunday morning? If I am filtering my TV and Internet during the week, why would I want my kids to hear unfiltered (and insensitive) comments from the pulpit on Sunday?

I recognize that these hard things are facts of life and are part of the biblical narrative. However, many things that are facts of life and part of the biblical narrative do not need to be shared with ears that are not mature enough to process such material. I offer some suggestions here, along with a plea to remember that as preachers and teachers of God’s Word, we are responsible for how we teach as much as for what we teach. Jesus demonstrated this sensitivity—He knew His audience—children and their parents were welcome. The truth He taught was uncompromising, and yet Jesus apparently demonstrated the kind of sensitivity to children that was inviting and not repelling. In preparation of all my sermons, I do the following:

Choose illustrations that can be explained in such a way that does not violate the sensitivities of the audience.

I am not a newscaster, so I don’t feel urged to share every murder, rape, or kidnapping that has happened as I preach. I do use illustrations and stories that have impact, and occasionally I hint at parts that my more mature audiences will pick up on in a way that shields the graphic details from my younger listeners. It helps that my nine-year-old son often stays to listen to my sermons instead of attending Children’s Church. He’s very attentive, and I try to prepare my sermon that anticipates his attentive ears and ready questions during each part of the sermon.

Edit, edit, and then edit more.

After preparation, I go back and make sure that I am not compromising the truth of the text, or burying the truth of a text in some illustration that I think will be provocative. While I do want people to remember the illustrations and stories, and I want those stories to evoke the emphases in the text, I do not want some overly-provocative anecdote to become the focus of the sermon to the exclusion of the main theme(s) of the text.

Remember that some things can be said without saying them.

If I’m talking about a graphic incident in the text, I will attempt to explain it in such a way that can shield little ears. For instance, if the result of a choice of an Old Testament king is the slaughter of many, I will say, “You can read what horrible results that brought about,” instead of “Let’s look in graphic detail at how many were slaughtered and exactly how each one was killed.” This last sentence may sound like exaggeration, but I have sat through and read through many sermons (many times with my wife quickly exiting with my kids to shield them from the gory details) where preachers used the shock value of a text by describing in detail gang rapes, mass murders, torture, executions, and so on. This may leave some in the audience breathless, but it risks putting the kinds of images in minds that are more distraction than substantive teaching. It also risks alienating parents who entrust us with the privilege of joining them in teaching the truth of a great song for children (and adults): “Be careful, little ears, what you hear. . . .”

May God grant us wisdom and discernment as we teach both little and big ears!

Dr. Charles Christian is senior pastor of the Seattle North Church of the Nazarene in Seattle, Washington.