Oops!

“What distracts you at home?” she was asked. Her response was immediate, “Knowing there is food in the refrigerator.” If she was a typical 10-15 lbs overweight middle-aged person, it would have been hilarious. However, she was barely 30 and so thin you could see her collarbone protruding at the base of her neck. Can you see her face? Look closely at it. See the pain behind her eyes. I have a feeling she is always offering to feed her friends, offering them the one thing that would bring her so much pleasure. The one thing she denies herself. If she ever succumbed to the Frigidaire temptation, there was no evidence. She was an attractive young lady who could have been happier with her body. But she denies herself so much that she thinks about food constantly. It’s like trying not to think about pink elephants.

“I just can’t help myself,” he said. “I vow to stop sinning sexually. I do great for days, even weeks at a time. Then, one night I can’t get to sleep and nearly overwhelming desire comes back. Images flood my mind from past sins and experiences. I try to block it out, but it’s so hard! The desire is so overwhelming, that I get up and within a few minutes it’s all over again.” The shame is so deep he doesn’t know how to ask for help. Even if he had the will, he wouldn’t know where to begin. Illicit encounters both virtual and physical are his highest and lowest moments. To any onlooker it’s terrifying. To him, it’s a nightmare that won’t end. He knows the emptiness that will follow each time, but he does it anyway. He tells himself he’s in control and this time will be the last. It’s a lie. He says he wants out, but his actions don’t always show it. It’s hard being single and dealing with sexual desire. He’s got a problem with sex. He is not alone.

Judy is different. Judy doesn’t think she has any problems. Judy avoids the liquor store, a den of iniquity, as she calls it. Judy doesn’t respect people who have had a gambling problem or have been sex addicts. In fact, Judy thinks people who admit they have problems are exhibitionists. Judy’s generation didn’t talk about such things openly. Judy doesn’t like messy lives. Judy wants everything neat and tidy. EVERYTHING. But it’s hard for Judy to keep her clothes looking neat, because Judy could lose more than a few pounds. She gets winded walking to the mailbox. When Judy looks out over the neighborhood, she sees what’s missing in other people’s lives. Yet, somehow she’s out of touch with her body. She’s missing all the messages it’s trying to send her. She goes to the doctor, but most of what he says goes in one ear and out the other. Judy has a different kind of problem with her body. She is in denial. She is not alone.

Ugh!

We all try to figure out what’s important in life. We try to find what we really believe. We try to commit to something higher, something special. But this being human thing isn’t easy. We’re all a little quirky. It’s hard sometimes to look in the right places. Few of us find what we’re looking for when we look in the mirror. What do you see when you look at your body? Is your body’s purpose to be sexually desirable? Do you have to act on that purpose constantly to be happy? Is your body’s purpose to taste every experience possible in life? How do you carry yourself through life? Do you hear all the subtle and not so subtle messages from our culture? Is there a history in your family of bad “body language?” In other words, have people used mostly negative language in discussing their bodies? Have they shown a bad example by their actions? Did your family or others communicate to you that your body was somehow inadequate? Our society sends us messages about our bodies. They tell us how we should use and adorn them. They tell us we might not be worth as much if we don’t look a certain way. At the same time they tell us we must give into the body’s urges regularly. How have these messages affected you? Some people end up in a cycle of self-loathing and gluttony that’s hard to break out of.

Paul was writing to people like us. Many competing philosophies were clamoring for their attention. Some days they thought they had it figured out. Some days they felt like they didn’t have a clue. When you hear contrary messages over and over they can eat away at your certainty. Today, it seems the only thing we’re sure about is that everything needs to be called into question. It’s a great time to be a critic! Well, critics have always had plenty to poke at. Paul was writing to people like I’ve mentioned; and people like us. To each of us, Paul says, “Everything is permissible,” but not everything is beneficial.

A lot of people tend to roam around between the extremes. Of course none of us listening to this sermon do that! Or do we? The human spirit longs for fulfillment, but doesn’t seem to have a clue where to find it. Some tend to isolate themselves, struggling with depression and anxiety. Others of us immerse ourselves in a blur of “busyness,” avoiding deeper concerns in life. The philosophers of each age have constructed whole worldviews, to justify these tendencies and supply meaning to these human efforts. And so, those philosophies sometimes point to the extremes as well. “Relinquish everything.” Or, “Everything is permissible.” To a weary human spirit these can seem like the answer. “That’s it. I’ve been indulging too much. Now, I’ll just detach myself from all earthly experiences.” Or, “No, I’ve been denying myself for too long. Too many rules. It’s time for the Outback philosophy. No rules. Just right.” Everything is permissible.

Sounds great, huh? Live it up. There are no boundaries after all. And hey, for a few years it might be possible to live with that illusion. God has created a wonderful thing, the human body. While we are young it is quite durable and can often survive fad diets and even some “couch potato years.” Over time it will send us hints that change is needed if life on earth is still in our travel plans. Philosophies which cater to the meanderings of the human spirit don’t prove true over time. Yet, there is always a steady stream of newbies ready to give them a try, often the young and beautiful. Burn the candle at both ends and in the middle, while “IM-ing” your friends in Hong Kong, Shanghai them, if you can! [Shanghai is a Gen-Next term, meaning having multiple IM streams going at once, so that you confuse your friend and cause them to respond to the wrong message. It’s a game of sorts!]

Hollywood is more than happy to provide a slew of poster children for this movement. It sells tickets and products. It sells a way of life. Unfortunately, it carries a very high price tag. One could get the impression that normal people are super thin. All others must not be worth much. Women feel special pressure to look like the magazines. Under the influence of powerful philosophies, it’s easy to develop food issues. Speaking of which, where philosophy is absent, plain old food or sex will do. Again, the human body will try to adapt to our extremes, but it’s built to certain specs and in the end must comply with them. It’s sort of like this: if you have a flat tire in your car you can safely drive on your “cheater spare” tire for a few days, but you’ll be sorry by 6 months later. The timetables are longer for the body, but it’s a little tougher to get replacement parts, too.

Eating disorders affect young women to an alarming degree. Young men are now also affected more than ever. Even with all our efforts at educating children and adults, we are failing to help people find a positive relationship with their bodies. And it’s all well and good to talk about it. But nothing is changing. Education isn’t the final answer. What is?

Alcoholism is an epidemic in America. Advertisers are aiming at younger and younger audiences. Drinking is cool. Drinking is in. Grocery stores line shelf after shelf with every brand and size of alcohol. The 24-pack or the half-gallon is how we sell it now. The void is big in the human heart. Long and hard is the quest to fill that void on our own.

Sexual addiction is also at very high levels right now. The shame attached to it often keeps people trapped for decades. Regardless of form, most addictions are similar. A normal human desire is out of control and controlling someone’s life. Christians are not immune. Not everything is beneficial.

There are terrific resources for all forms of addiction. Celebrate Recovery makes a difference every week in our congregation. Every Wednesday at 6:15 you can take your first steps toward wholeness. Twelve-step groups can also help. Thankfully, these services and ministries are available in abundance if we will seek them out. But there is one underlying truth we all must come to grips with. Whether we have an addiction or just want a better relationship with our bodies, there is one key we must learn.

Aha!

It’s hard to have a good relationship with your body when you aren’t familiar with its manufacturer. Many people spend a good part of their lives thinking spirituality has nothing to do with the body. In fact, some people even see them as opposites. However, any spiritual fulfillment we find in this life happens in our bodies. Any physical achievements we gain in this life will feel empty apart from a spiritual connection. The two are inseparable. There is a nexus, a point of contact, deep within each person. Here the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual come together. Until you make a spiritual connection with the One who designed your body you will never be fully at home in it.

Paul takes the words right out of philosopher’s mouths when he says, “Everything is permissible.” But he points out the shortcomings of this philosophy. Food is short-lived. We can’t find our meaning here. He reminds us there are consequences which aren’t beneficial and can place us in bondage. He also says we sin against our own bodies when we don’t follow God’s plan for sex, further complicating our lives. But the good news is that God DOES have a plan for our bodies! Paul gives it to us in a nutshell, “Honor God with your body” (v. 20).

Wee!

God did design us to experience pleasure and fulfillment in these bodies. Food is best savored in moderation as a fuel supply for our amazing machines. Find out what fuels your body best and stay away from junk! In a similar way, sexuality is part of your identity. You are a sexual being, expressing part of God’s image by simply being male or female. Both are required to express God’s image in our world. (See Genesis 1-3). However, sexual intercourse is for marriage. It’s best experienced with one person over a lifetime. Sex and food are vehicles designed to take you on a certain kind of trip. To follow our culture’s advice is to try to drive a Ferrari like a dump truck. You’ll miss most of the fun and be really sorry later. Once you connect with your Creator you can discover God’s plan. Then you are free simply to care for your body, instead of serving its desires. You are free to experience whole and holy sexuality. You can have a full identity and deep satisfaction without sexual sin.

Yeah!

What if I can’t find the right mate for me? What if my body craves all the wrong stuff? Am I doomed? Not really. Let’s take the most doable one first! You can teach your body to want the right things. First of all, talk to your doctor and get a lesson in healthy eating for healthy living. There are a multitude of resources available to help. I highly recommend FirstPlace discipleship materials (which simply follow USDA recommendations for daily nutrition) and other helpful resources. Many in our congregation, including me, are developing a better relationship with food and their bodies through God’s word.

I wish there were easy answers when it comes to sex and love in this fallen world. Part of the brokenness of sin is experienced in broken relationships. It’s sometimes difficult to find someone you could build a holy life with. I do know you probably won’t find them in a singles bar or in the personal ads. Prayer, fasting, and being open to God’s direction are essential. A Christian University is a great place to find a mate as well. The Church of the Nazarene has eight such campuses in North America. Church can also be a great place to find a Christian spouse. Attend regularly! There are some interesting tools like eharmony.com, recommended by Focus on the Family, which come from a Christian perspective and seek to match you with someone who shares the same, deep values. These can sometimes help. But tools are only tools. Sometimes we try too hard find what ends up to be right under our nose.

The main point is this: God has a plan for your life. His plan does not include sexual sin. His plan does include many positive relationships in the Church, which help us all feel more whole. If we find our identity in Him it will calm our desires. If our deepest emotional and spiritual connections are among Christians we’re nearly there. The deepest satisfaction doesn’t come from sexual activity. It comes from meaningful relationships of all kinds. God created us male and female. If we keep appropriate boundaries and respect for the sexes we can be quite fulfilled in non-physical relationships. A modified form of “Chivalry” is one way we can hold onto that respect. Paul urges us to treat people like brothers and sisters in Christ. If you aren’t married, build friendships. Out of holy friendships, many good things can develop. Keep strong boundaries and draw lines early in dating. Keep it pure and your head will be able to guide your heart.

All of us can know the incredible intimacy which only the Lover of our Soul can provide. Deep times of meditation and prayer can take us to a level of communion sex simply can’t provide. Love God with all your being and He will meet your needs!

If you are married, protect that relationship with all you’re worth. It’s a gem! Many would gladly give away all they have to be in a positive, Christian relationship. Keep covenant with your spouse and with God. Don’t let the internet or the media, or your neighbor’s spouse distract you from God’s purposes for your married life. If your marriage isn’t perfect or your spouse isn’t a Christian, seek support at church and from Christian resources like http://www.faimly.org. Keep the home fires burning whenever possible and flee from all other offers! Work out the emotional issues at home. Share the load. When love flows freely sex comes more naturally in a marriage. It’s also one of the first things to go when trouble starts. Deal with problems early and often. Let Christ be the center of your home. No marriage is perfect or ideal. All marriages have potential as a source of great fulfillment.

Close your eyes for just a minute. Get rid of bad body language. Be done with sins against the body, gluttony, lust or otherwise. Let God give you His vision for a better life in your body. What would your life look like if knowing and loving God became your highest goal every day? Imagine the grace of God washing away the stain of sin more and more. See Jesus pouring in the power of God’s love. Imagine yourself free to love and be loved in a holy way. Imagine loving others without any sexual agenda. Find fulfillment by using your body to serve others. You can drop your guard and let your neighbor love you like a brother or sister. Picture yourself making healthy food choices. See yourself making time to take care of this body God has given you. God created you and your body for a special purpose. It’s not perfect, but it’s useful to Him. If you’re ready to let God lead you into that kind of wholeness and holiness, get some good body language going and raise your hand. Now open that hand. Reach out and take hold of His strong and wise hand. There, you have everything you’ll every really need. Amen.