October 10, 2004

Grace to Let Go Without Giving Up

Scripture Passage: Luke 18:18-30

Supportive Scriptures: Luke 19:1-10;

Background Information:

There is much more here than you can use. It is offered to help you see the breadth of the problem and to have options from which you can choose what is most relevant now for your congregation. Maybe you will only use one of the concepts. You might also consider expanding this concept into a series.

The Introduction

Chuck Swindoll wrote a book some years ago entitled, Strengthening Your Grip. Today we look at the other side of that idea – Loosening Our Grip.

There is much I must let go of if I am going to follow and serve Christ – things, the reins of my life, relationships, worries & fears, status, life, doubts, hurt & anger, and my rights.

There is the Samaritan woman who left her water pot when she returned to the village to tell her friends about Jesus. The leper left his rags. The prodigal left behind his empty dreams and shameful situation. We need to let go of our past, and our guilt, and our possessions, and our selfishness, and our habits, and so much more.

Matthew left his occupation behind. So did the Galilean apostles. Thomas finally let go of his doubts. Peter let go of his ethnic prejudices.

There are many wrong things we must simply be rid of. But we must also let go of good things. For example, as parents, we must learn to let go of our children.

But it is against our nature to let go. We have a natural tendency to possess – to want our own way – be rule our own lives – to hang on to our security. But our possessions end up possessing us. The things we hold on to so tightly hold us in an even tighter grip. If you doubt that, go talk with the Rich Young Ruler.

The Body

1. Loosening my grip on Stuff (The things I hold tightest have hold of me)

Lk 12:16 - The Rich Fool
Mt 6:24 - Two Masters
Mt 19:22 - Rich Young Ruler
When the young man heard this, he went away sad,
because he had great wealth.
(Matthew 19:22, NIV)

Aesop’s Fable

A boy put his hand into a pitcher that contained a goodly quantity of figs and filberts. Greedily, he clutched as many as his fist could possibly hold. But when he tried to pull it out, the narrowness of the neck of the vessel prevented him.

Unwilling to loose any of the nuts, yet unable to draw out his hand, the lad burst into tears, bitterly bewailing this hard fortune. An honest fellow standing nearby gave him this wise and reasonable advice:

“Grasp only half the quantity, my boy,
and you will easily succeed.” -- Aesop

Anyone looking for a title for the age in which we live would not have to look much farther than “The Age of Materialism”. It might well beat out “The Space Age” or “The Information Age” as the most descriptive of our times. A bumper sticker puts the present attitude bluntly. “When you die, the one with the most toys wins.”
Part of our tragedy is that we are all so influenced by this tide of materialism that we do not always recognize it for what it is.

Things have become the standard for measuring success.
Things have forced us to work more so that we can have them.
Things have stolen our time so we can maintain them.
Things have driven wedges into relationships.

The problem is that we need things. We can't make it through life without clothes and food and shelter. And since we need things we have them. Of course, the ones we have are never as adequate as the ones would be that we wish we had. Nor are they as impressive as the ones that others have. And so we want more things. And other things. And nicer things.

Getting these things always costs more money than we have. So we have to work more and harder and longer. If we are married, both of us work so that we can get these things – (all of which are necessities, of course) – sooner.

Possessing enough of the right things is sort of like chasing your shadow. You can touch the edge of it but never can quite catch it. Borrowing seems to be an answer, and plastic money makes it easier. But the shadow still eludes us.

It seems we judge each other and ourselves by the quantity and quality of these things we possess. Not that we are materialistic, of course. It's just that “they” have obviously worked harder or been luckier than we and we don't want to be seen as inferior. So we strive to keep pace.

The world judges people by where they live, what kind of car they drive, what title is on the door where they work, whether they wear Nike tennis shoes and Izod shirts, if they have a pool, a VCR, and a home computer.
But we Christians have a different set of standards. We judge each other by what kind of cars we drive, and where our house is located, and what title is on the door where we work. We buy a shirt with something that looks like an alligator from a distance and wear it with the shirttail out so that folks won't see the “brand X” patch on the back of our jeans which are worn low to cover up our K-Mart tennis shoes. If someone else gets the promotion, we think less of ourselves. We preacher-types look at another pastor's larger church and long for the day that we will be successful like he is.

Eventually, we find that our possessions possess us. Like the man who found he had no time to enjoy the things he owned because he was so busy cleaning his pool and waxing his car and mowing his three acres and repainting his house and repairing the gadgets and paying the bills. And then we find that everything we own can soon be gone – like cars in a junkyard that were once driven home from the showroom with great pride and joy.

Such is the destiny of our materialism. Everything we buy rusts, rots, decays, or obsoleses. And if, like some space-age plastic, it doesn't, we wish it would! Although the malady seems more prevalent and pervasive than at any other time in history, it is certainly not a new phenomenon.

Long ago there was a man who came to Jesus who had everything going for him. He had wealth, youth, position, and power. He lived a good, moral life. He wanted God's best. He had found Jesus. But he went away sorrowful because he couldn't give up things. (Matt. 19:16)

Jesus told the story of a rich man with many barns filled to overflowing who wanted more barns and bigger barns to hold more things. God called him a fool and he never lived long enough to see his selfish dreams materialize. (Luke 12:16)

Jesus knew what He was talking about when He said, “No one can serve two masters. . . . You cannot serve both God and Money.” (Matt. 6:24) He knew that the things I hold the tightest in reality have hold of me. He said that you and I must loosen our grip on things. We shouldn't spend so much time worrying about what we will eat or drink or wear.

I look into my stuffed closet and say I have nothing to wear
-- while some people in Asia actually don’t.
I stare into an overstocked refrigerator and can find nothing to eat
-- while many people in Africa starve.
I ogle Madison Avenue advertising and groan about all I need
-- while people in some countries are lucky to earn $125.00 a year.

If we are possessed by possessions, we need to loosen our grip.
We need to let go.

When we loosen our grip, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we throw whatever it is away. (Although most of us could afford to eliminate and simplify.) It is a matter of who controls it. We must hold things loosely enough that God can do with them what He will.

Often there is an added bonus. When we hold things tightly, there is no room in our hands. It is when we hold things loosely, or empty our hands with our palms turned upward, that God can fill our hands with His good gifts.“If you have wrapped your hands around IT,
then IT has wrapped itself around your heart --
and when IT goes, it will tear your heart out!” --jmn

2. Loosening my grip on the Reins (If I hold them tightly, He is not Lord)

Lk 22:42 - Gethsemane
Mt 6:10 - The Lord's Prayer
Ac 16:6 - Paul & Macedonia
When they came to the border of Mysia,
they tried to enter Bithynia,
but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to.
So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas.
(Acts 16:7-8, NIV)

Picture this if you can. A carriage is being pulled by a horse with two sets of reins held by two different men sitting in the same wagon, but wanting to go in two different directions at two different speeds. As ludicrous as that sounds, it is the way many of us try to live.

Frank Sinatra had a whole generation singing “I Did It My Way!” Burger King proclaimed, “Have it your way!” Being in control of our own lives has become one of our “inalienable” rights.

But even more tragic than such bald-faced arrogance is to testify that “Jesus is Lord” while trying to manage our lives by ourselves. We sing, “Jesus Savior Pilot Me” and then hang on to the wheel for all we're worth.

How much of our time is spent telling God how we think He ought to do things? We make all our own plans and then want Him not only to put His stamp of approval on them, but work out all the complications we have created as well.

One of the ultimate issues of life is “Who holds the reins?” The holder of the reins determines how fast we go, where we go, and what route we take to get there.

Do you remember being a kid and asking your Dad to let you “drive” the car? You placed your hands on the wheel with his large hands over yours. Even if he let you steer, his grip on the wheel was always greater than yours and he was able to correct your mistakes. He really determined where the car would go. As much fun and as secure as that was, you and I both longed for the day that we would be big enough that his hands wouldn't be there anymore and we could drive by ourselves. In transferring that experience to the spiritual world, we have often concluded that being grown up means we don't need God's hands on the reins of our lives any more.

God does not mind our hands being on the reins as long as His hands are over ours -- and we hold the reins loosely. If we hold them tightly, He is not Lord.
It's always one or the other.
If I am Lord, He is not Lord.
If He is Lord, I am not Lord.

The struggle is not a new one. Consider the tug of war between God and the people of Israel at Kadesh Barnea – and the consequences. In contrast, Paul wanted to minister in Asia Minor. God wanted the route to pass through Macedonia. (Acts 16:9) And so Paul went west.

Jesus himself wanted to bypass the Cross -- “if it is possible.” (Mt 26:39) But He prayed, “Not what I want, but what you want.”

And that is the way Jesus taught us to pray. “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”
Life is too complex and the stakes are too high for me to be very confident in doing it “My Way”. And if I want God to be involved at all, then I might as well let Him lead and I'll hold the reins of my life loosely. Actually, it is fascinating to look back and see where God has led our lives when we have kept our hands off and let Him open the doors.

Those who know horses tell us that when riding or driving a horse, while one must guide firmly, it is wrong to hold the reins too tightly. For one thing, holding too tightly would cause one’s muscles to tire and cramp. But also, pulling too tightly on the reins will damage the inside of the horse's mouth.

They tell us that if a horse is well-trained, it is hardly necessary to use the reins. Just the gentle pressure of the leg of the rider will cause the horse to change directions. And the well-trained horse is quick to respond to the desire of the master. So if we change the image slightly, if we are going to let God hold the reins of our lives, we must respond easily to the bit.

But all of this is so hard for us to accept. We have our dreams. We have our goals. We have our plans. We are “driven” to achieve and to succeed. Our security is in having everything mapped out in front of us -- ahead of time. We want to be the masters of our fate, the captains of our souls. We get everything neatly worked out and then Jesus says,

“Loosen your grip.
Let me lead.
Make me Lord.
Be dependent -- on me.”
And the only prayer the true Christian can pray is,
“Thy will be done!”

Are you trying to direct your life? And to shape your future?
Has your mouth become insensitive to the bit?
Can God gently and easily nudge you in HIS direction?
The “old-timers” used to sing, “Let go, and let God have His wonderful way.”

3. Loosening my grip on Relationships

(If I hold my children too tightly, I will smother them)
(Some people mother, others smother.)
Ge 22:9 - Abraham & Isaac
Lk 15:12 - The Prodigal Son
The younger one said to his father,
“Father, give me my share of the estate.”
So he divided his property between them.
(Luke 15:12, NIV)

Have you every watched a small child holding a puppy or a kitten? Children usually seem to get hold of it right around the neck. Then, out of love and out of fear of dropping it, they squeeze. They squeeze so hard that the rest of us fear for its life -- and with justification. They need to loosen their grip.

So do we. And for the same reasons.

If we hold our spouse, our children or our friends too tightly we will smother them.

But I love them so much! I am afraid for them.

Yes, but my fear and my love could be the very things that take from me that which I prize most highly. I must learn how to let go.

Probably Christian parents should take infant dedication more seriously. The parents hold the baby as they give it to the pastor as the representative of God. As they do so they are releasing that child, returning him or her to God. The child is no longer theirs. After presenting the child to God on their behalf, the pastor returns the child to them, symbolizing that it is no longer their child, but God's. He is asking them to be the caretakers of that child in His stead.

If we would really do all of that, and mean all of that, we would be better parents. If we would really take all of that seriously, we would not struggle so when God calls our children to lives of full-time service.

Abraham had to learn that lesson. God's test sounds severe to us, but God had to know whether He had Isaac or Abraham had Isaac. (Isn't it interesting?! When God found out that He had Isaac, He also learned that He had Abraham!) Isaac was Abraham's pride and joy -- a comfort in his old age -- the only source through whom God's covenant could be fulfilled. But Abraham was able to loosen his grip on Isaac and release him to God. He knew that what God wanted for Isaac was best for Isaac, for Abraham, for the Promise, for God, and for the world.

We need to know that. We are not among those who believe that everything that happens to our children must have been God's will for them. Why should He get the blame for their accidents and our own foolishness and carelessness or their sinful disobedience? But we do believe that those things that are His will for them will always be best for all of us. And so we need to loosen my grip and release them to Him.

But we also need to loosen my grip and release them to themselves. Using the parent-child relationship as the model again, it is sometimes difficult for us to release our children to themselves even though we have been successful in releasing them to God.

There is such a delicate balance here. On the one hand there are those parents who seem to release their children too early and to abdicate the responsibilities of parenthood. On the other hand are those parents who tie their children to the proverbial apron strings (men wear them too) and never let them go. Somewhere there I must find the golden mean.

And it isn't easy. And it isn't without risk. But it is necessary. For the sake of those we love and for our own sake as well.

There will be the first time driving the car -- the first night with the car alone -- the first date -- the choice of friends -- the independent decisions that are not made as wisely as I would make them -- the choice of a college -- the selection of values -- the decision about a career -- falling in love and marriage.

I love.
I fear.
I want to hang on.
But I would strangle.
I must loosen my grip.
I must let go.
But they will fall.
Yes. They did when they learned to walk too.
But they will make mistakes.
Yes. So did I.
So do I.

We must do it consciously, deliberately, carefully, and lovingly. Talk with them about it. Work at it. Affirm them for making it easy -- for accepting the process -- for maturing responsibly. Long ago we released them to God. We now release them to themselves.

Jesus told us the story of a father who let go. If he hadn't released, he would have lost his son anyway. The son must become his own man or he is not a person. And the son we call the prodigal blew it. But the father did what we must do in all of our relationships.

He kept on loving.
He kept on believing.
He kept on hoping.
He kept on waiting.
If he hadn't been that kind of a father, the son wouldn't have come back. The son couldn't have come back.
But he was --
and he did.
All that has been said here needs to be applied to all of the other relationships of life. We must loosen our grip. It is the only way not to destroy those we love and even ourselves.
Let goods and kindred go,
This mortal life also.
The body they may kill;
God's truth abideth still.
His kingdom is forever.
-- Martin Luther, A Mighty Fortress
---oooOOOooo---

(The points above are condensed from a longer manuscript.

Rather than insert it all here, I will list below brief suggestions for the remaining concepts.
You may wish to develop some of these other concepts in place of or in addition to
some of those above.)

4. Loosening my grip on my worries, fears, and problems

Mt 6:19 - eat and drink and wear
Ac 27:13 - Paul in the Storm
Ac 16:25 - Paul & Silas in prison
(Mt 2:16 - King Herod, Jesus' Birth)

Often our worries are about things we can’t control. Jesus said that worrying would add height to our bodies or length to our lives. We can’t stop the storms that come our way. He recommends trusting.

Often our fears paralyze us rather than change our circumstances. Christ recommends trusting.

Often we assume that God is unaware of our needs. Jesus said that God knows and cares – cares more for us than He does well-fed sparrows and the beautifully clothed fields. Pagans worry. For His children, God recommends trusting.

Often it is more important to determine how we will respond and react in the midst of the situation than to assume that we will escape from that. That is not a statement of futility but it is to find that God’s “hope” and His “grace” are sufficient even if the circumstances don’t change.

So, let go of the problems and fears and worries. Seek first His Kingdom. Trust.

5. Loosening my grip on Status

Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.
(Philippians 2:6, NIV)

By faith Moses, when he had grown up,
refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter.
(Hebrews 11:24, NIV)

We like to be first. We want to be first in line. We want to be at the top of the ladder of success. We have to win. We idolize those with star status and forget or ignore the steady workers who make the consistent, daily contribution.

No matter how high the position we have attained in life or work, it should not change who we are or how we interact with others. But it doesn't really change me or who I am. At least it better not!

If I am too important to empty my own over-filled trash can --
If I am too important to take on the messy task --
If I need to be waited on by others --
If I can't answer to my name rather than my rank and title --
If I think that the title bestows success --
If I hang on jealously to my title and position --
Then I am not a success
-- but a failure.

6. Loosing my grip on Life

The thing that makes a terrorist so unstoppable is that he has loosened his grip on life. No threat can force him off the plane. No danger can deter him from his mission. He has broken that last hold that others had over him. He does not have to live.

Reuben Welch preached a message some years ago about “How to Survive in 85”. In it, he came to the conclusion that the only way to really survive is not to have to survive. Jesus, he pointed out, had settled the survival issue. And that set Him totally free. He could set His face toward Jerusalem in the face of opposition. He could forgive Peter and He could call Judas “friend” at the moment of betrayal. He could stand silent before His accusers because He didn't have to survive.

Contemporary people are also able to loosen their grip. Nate Saint and his missionary companions were willing to give what they could not keep to gain what they could not lose. They were no fools. They opened the way to the evangelisation of the Auca Indians by their loved ones and co-laborers.

The other thing is, that, if I could loosen my grip on life it would be easier to loosen my grip on the worries and fears and cares of life, for most of them are related to survival. My fear of death can make me afraid to act. Paul wrote:

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
(Philippians 1:21, NIV)

7. Loosening my grip on my Doubts

We have given one of Jesus’ disciples the dubious name of doubting Thomas. When we look more closely at his story, we find that he only asked for the same experience of the Risen Lord as the other disciples had known. (Read the resurrection account in Luke and you will find that none of the rest were very quick to believe either -- even after they had seen Christ!) The comforting thing is that Jesus made a special visit to the disciples just for Thomas. And He did not condemn or exclude Thomas because of his doubts. Instead, He offered this disciple the very proofs for which he had asked. (See John 20:28)

Probably the oldest book in the Bible is the book of Job. It is the story of a godly man’s questions and doubts. Job never got answers to all of his questions. But God did reveal himself to Job in a marvelous way. And when Job had seen the Lord, he released his doubts and trusted in God. (See Job 42:1-6)

There is a type of doubt that is unbelief, and that is sin. But there is also doubt that is composed of uncertainty and questioning. God understands that doubt. He may not answer all the conundrums of faith. He may not prove Himself to us. But He will reveal His power and goodness to us. He will help us to loosen our grip on our doubts and find a deeper confidence in Him.

8. Loosening my grip on My Guilt

Sometimes, we realize that we shouldn't feel guilty about the things that we are feeling guilty about, but we are unable to stop feeling guilty about them. If we are walking in the light and living in love, then the guilt we experience may well be imaginary. If it is, we should not hang on to it. Loosen your grip and let it go.

But there is also real guilt, and real guilt cannot be dismissed lightly. You cannot just let it go. Real guilt needs forgiveness. And forgiveness can only come from God. It is ours on the basis of repentance for our sins and through faith in the atoning death of Jesus Christ.

Yet even after we have been born again -- even after we have served God for many years -- we sometimes find that we are hounded by a sense of guilt. In some cases, we wonder if God has really forgiven us. More often, perhaps, be are confident in God's forgiveness, but we can't quite forgive ourselves.
But God's word is clear.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free
from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2, NIV

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:12, NIV

I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.
(Jeremiah 31:34 & Hebrews 8:12, NIV

Sometimes it is easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves! If God forgets, then He cannot be the one who continues to condemn us. So loosen your grip. Let it go.

9. Loosening my grip on my Rights.

(If you are interested in developing this point, please see the extended manuscript at the end of this document –Appendix A)

10. Loosening my grip on my Resentments, Bitterness, Anger,

Hurts, and Disappointments
And then there are resentments, hurts and disappointments. Do you remember that parable Jesus told about the mustard seed of faith that could grow into a tree great enough that birds would come and nest in it? Well, there is another side to that story.

Little seeds, no bigger than a mustard seed – seeds of hurt and disappointment and bitterness and resentment – can blow into the life of the Christian and lodge in a crevice of the heart. There they begin to grow until birds (birds like noisy jays and ravenous vultures) build their homes there. They take over the life.

We pray.
We “forgive and forget”.
Except, we don't really forgive.
And we never quite forget.
And the next time we remember all the other times.
And remind other offender too.
God says, let it go.

One of the saddest stories in the Bible is the story of Jonah. No missionary has ever been so successful. No one was ever shown any more mercy. But Jonah sat on the hillside so consumed by bitterness and resentment that he wanted to die. He was bitter that God didn't destroy the city. He was resentful that his shade tree died. He who received mercy could not show mercy. He was more concerned about his own physical comfort than for the lives and souls of hundreds of thousands of people. (ouch!) That's what about a mustard seed’s worth of resentment will do – even to a God-ordained preacher.

Look what resentment did to King Saul whom God had chosen as Israel's first king. And look what it did to his relationship with his friend David!

When you hold a hammer tightly, you will always get painful blisters. And the progress on your project will stop. Some of us are holding on to our resentment and we're holding too tightly. The only result is that it causes blisters and pain and keeps us from doing the task God has given us. May God help us to really and finally and permanently loosen our grip and let them go!

The Conclusion

It takes God’s grace to enable us to let go of the things we cherish most and allow Him to be “Lord of all the kingdoms of our hearts.” That is especially true when we realize that letting go is not the same as giving up. That would be to go to another extreme.

Letting go of our adult children does not mean we love them any less or that we give up our concern for them. Letting go of money does not mean becoming irresponsible. We can let go of our striving for success without giving up our commitment to do our best. We must let go of our self-centeredness without giving up our self-worth. We must let go our attempts to earn our salvation without giving up our obedience to the expectations of Christ Jesus.

Materialism is not a matter of the quantity of our possessions but of how badly we need them. Some of the most materialistic people I have met had very little “stuff” but lived with great bitterness, greed, and passion to acquire at whatever cost. Some of the people I have met who had the most wealth were the most generous. It’s not what we have, but what has us.

Dr. Jim Bond was a young man with a call to preach. He also loved basketball. The basketball was always with him. The game was in his blood. He testifies that God asked him what was most important to him – his game or his call. God asked him to put the basketball on the shelf – and he did. He left it alone – he let go of it. After some time without the game he loved, he says that he heard God say, “Jim. Catch!” God threw the ball back to him and let him have a hall of fame college career. Because he had let go, God knew he could be trusted to keep the gift. No wonder he was known on and off the court “Gentleman Jim”. No wonder God and the church have trusted him with significant roles of ministry through a lifetime of service.

In many of these areas there is a very delicate balance. We must follow Wesley’s via media, – the middle way. It takes God’s Grace to help us achieve that balance – to totally let go of some things, while holding loosely to the things God allows us to retain.

Possible Songs:
SL # 486 I Surrender All
SL # 546 I Gave My Life for Thee
SL # 482 I Give All to You
SL # 470 All for Jesus
SL # 471 Jesus I My Cross Have Taken
SL # 482 I Give All to You
I Lay It Down
Something For Thee
Surrendered, Completely Surrendered (MCB II)Replace It With Your Love
by David Meece
Where there's hate give me love
Where there's pride make me be humble
Where there's pain don't let me feel resentment deep inside
I want You to make it right
So replace it with Your love in my heart
Replace it with Your love in my heart
Just take out all the hatred and cleanse every part
And replace it with Your love in my heart
When I'm tired lift me up
When I'm weak, Lord, don't let me falter
But if I fall, don't let me harbor bitterness inside
I want You to take it out
(Repeat chorus)
Lord, I'm just a man who wants to be like You
Living in Your perfect love in everything I do
So now I'm yielding I'm yielding all to You
To take out every wrong I feel inside
(Repeat chorus)
KING OF DREAMS
by Doug Howell
OK. Have it Your way
It's only fair to warn You
I don't know how to live this way --
But I'll be there to try
'cause I believe You'd rather die than hurt me.
I gave You almost everything,
But kept what really mattered to me.
I need you, King of Dreams,
But since you've got it all,
All I ask is that you show me how to live without them.
Show me how to live with only You.
Somewhere deep in my heart
I'm saying yes to You.
Please let that yes be multiplied, 'cause that's all I can give.
And you know I couldn't give You more.
Jesus come and hold me tight --
I'm so tired of holding phantoms in the night
I crown You King of Dreams.
Now You have it all.
All I ask is that You show me how to live without them.
Show me how to live with only You.
Am I really giving it now?
Or will I ever give it all?
Say You'll take it all,
And tell me now You're King of Dreams.
Now You have it all.
All I ask is that You show me how to live without them.
Show me how to live with only You.

THE THINGS WE LEAVE BEHIND
by Michael Card
There sits Simon, foolish and wise
Proudly he’s tending his nets.
Jesus calls and the boats drift away
And all that he owns he forgets.
But more than the nets he abandoned that day
He found that his pride was soon fading away.
It’s hard to imagine the freedom we find
From the things we leave behind.
The sightless beggar, pleading each day,
Catching the coins in his robe,
At finding Jesus he threw it away
And joyfully followed his Lord.
But more than the robe that he left by the way,
The darkness that dwelt in his heart went away.
It’s hard to imagine the freedom we find
From the things we leave behind.
Matthew was mindful of taking the tax
And pressing the people to pay.
At hearing the call he responded in faith
And followed the Light and the Way.
And leaving the people so puzzled he found
That the greed in his heart was no longer around.
It’s hard to imagine the freedom we find
From the things we leave behind.

APPENDIX A

This sermon is a transcript of one preached some time ago. It is included here to provide the idea for the suggested point for the sermon on Loosening My Grip. It also could be a substitute sermon in the series using the title – Grace to Give up my Rights

Responsibilities -- Not Rights

This week, we have been discussing the upside-down world of Jesus Christ. It is described in that great Sermon on the Mount that He preached to the people at the beginning of His ministry. The only possibility for us to make that vision a reality in our lives is through the total surrender to God that is described in the twelfth chapter of Paul’s epistle to the Romans – as we discussed yesterday..

That holy living as Jesus described it is (1) “being before doing.” It is (2) an internalized, intensified morality; judged on the inside – a righteousness that is more difficult than that of the Scribes and Pharisees. It is (3) an internalized righteousness. The good things that we do must be done for the right reasons. If they are done to serve ourselves and our reputation, they are not pleasing to God. Our charity, our praying, our fasting must be done for God and for fellowship with Him. (4) We are to be servants of God alone. (5) We are to be compassionate, and not judgmental toward others. (6) We are to know that this way is possible, but that (7) it is a narrow, difficult way and few will find it. And (8) we must live so that this life is evident in our lives. We must not be wolves disguised as sheep. We must be trees bearing good fruit. We must build on the rock—and that must be evident when testing comes to our lives.

For these things to happen, we must surrender to God (1) our bodies, (2) our minds, and (3) the throne of our lives. And (4) we must dedicate to Him all of the talents and abilities He has given to us naturally or by the gifting of His Holy Spirit. (5) We must allow Him to transform the very reactions of our lives—our personalities, our lifestyles—so that we reflect the Christ-likeness that is expected of those who bear the name of Christ. As we look at that litany of do’s and don’t’s in the twelfth chapter of Romans, we realize that they are very different from the world; and if we live that way, we will not look like the world around us. We will be upside-down in the eyes of the world. Today’s message has only one point which also serves as the introduction and the conclusion:

The Christian way of living is not to demand my rights
but to fulfill my responsibilities.

This is just one of those upside-down truths that Jesus and the Word of God teaches us, an inescapable truth—as I hope you will understand in a few moments—that will radically turn our lives upside-down.
I got thinking one day that I could not recall a time when Jesus ever demanded His rights. So I sat down and read the four gospels through twice in one day, looking intentionally for any time when Jesus demanded His rights. And I could not find any. I looked into the life of Paul and realized that there was only one time, (maybe one and a half) that he demanded his rights. The basic time was when he demanded his right to be tried by Caesar. And, though the ones who examined him had found no fault in him, because of his demand to be heard by Caesar, to Caesar he went—apparently—ultimately to his death.

I began to study again the gospels, the writings of Paul, and the other New Testament writers to see if they taught us to demand our rights, and I could not find any such command. However, it seems that demanding rights is a very integral part of the societies that shape us and of our natural mind-sets. Demanding rights comes naturally. Demanding rights is the essence of selfishness, and selfishness is the essence of sin.

No conflict is started over the desire to fulfill responsibilities. Virtually every conflict in the world is started over the demanding of rights. What is going on around the world today? Two peoples in the Middle East are claiming their right to what we call the Holy Land. In the former Soviet Union and in the Balkans, the same conflicts are taking place. In Ireland, it is going on. Look at life in a family, or other situations of life—conflict arises over two people or groups of people demanding their rights to be treated in a certain way or to have things their way. But when we focus on fulfilling our responsibilities to one another, seldom, if ever, is conflict created.

We are born demanding our rights. The child in the womb does nothing, and the mother does everything. She walks, she eats, she drinks, she nourishes that child for nine months. And when the child is born, it demands his or her rights and expects to be taken care of in every way. The child gets hungry and screams, and we rush to feed it. If it wakes up and is uncomfortable, it screams, and we try to find what is wrong. If it needs its diaper changed, the child screams, and we rush to change it and get it all fixed.

Have you noticed that infants of just a few weeks old have a built-in altimeter? They know whether you are standing or sitting. You put that child over your shoulder and you sit in a chair, and it will begin to scream and say, “Stand up!” and we stand up, and it stops. We sit down again, and it begins to scream. Even though it has not changed its position, somehow it knows we have become comfortable, and it demands “its rights”—and we obey. And so it goes.

The first functional words a child seems to learn in virtually every culture are “No!” and “Mine!” It begins very early. Even before they can speak, they will grasp and take away. They will resist your taking something from them—This is mine! No! I will have it my way!— over and over again. We as parents give in to those demands and let them rule, we are teaching them that it is acceptable to demand their rights, and that they should expect people always to give in to what they demand.

We are born that way. We function that way as infants and children. They go to the supermarket with us and look at the Cocoa Puffs, and they want that cereal and not Corn Flakes, and they demand their rights and they kick and scream—and we give in!

Advertising promotes this mind-set. McDonald’s used to sing, “You deserve a break today, so get up and get away to McDonald’s!” Burger says: “Have it your way!” Kentucky Fried Chicken said, “You’ve got a right to chicken done right!” One beer company says, “Grab all the gusto you can get!” Advertising over and over again tells us to do it! take it! be whatever we want to be, do it the way we want and take our share from society.

The great causes of the last decades have been based on demanding rights. Student rights, minority rights, women’s rights, equal rights, human rights, consumer rights, gay rights, labor rights, animal rights, abortion rights, children’s rights -- every one of the things that gets people out on the street campaigning is a matter of demanding rights from somebody else. Yet the Bible never teaches us to do that; in fact it teaches us the opposite.

Even when it comes to the bible, we handle Scripture on the basis of demanding our rights from it. Most of the verses we memorize are promises of God. I have had an idea for years. You know the “Little Promise Box”? You take one out in the morning and read it with breakfast and hang on to it all day. I have a project in my computer. It is all finished. There are over 600 commands in the New Testament about how we should live. I have this idea about having a “Command Box” from Jesus. Every morning you wake up and with your breakfast you take out a command like, “Don’t be angry,” or, “Love your neighbor,” or, “Be generous with those around you,” and you live by it that day. And I thought of getting the Nazarene Publishing House to produce it and sell it—but I know they will not, because it will not sell. You and I and nobody else will buy it. We want the promises, not the commands. And that is what we memorize. When we are in trouble, we go to Jesus and demand our rights: “Here’s the promise, it says it right here . . . You are supposed to do this and I am here to get my fair share of Your kingdom.”

Do you see how ingrained it is in us to demand our rights?

Now I am not saying that Christians do not have rights. I believe in rights. I am grateful to come from a country, like many of you do, that protects the rights of all people. I believe in those rights. I am not saying that a Christian does not have rights. I am saying the Christian does not have the right to demand those rights.
There are a number of scriptures that speak about this:

Matthew 5 - When you are persecuted, you do not have the right to complain. You have the responsibility, Jesus said, to consider yourself blessed.

Matthew 5:23 - When you come to the altar and you come with your gift and with your prayers, and you realize that your brother has something against you, you do not have the right to say, “Well, he ought to come make it right.” Jesus said that you have the responsibility to get up from the altar and go find your brother, and be the agent of reconciliation with him, and then come and present your gift to God.

Matthew 5:38-42 - Jesus said to love your enemy, go the second mile. If somebody punches you in the face, you do not have the right to punch him back; you have the responsibility to turn the other cheek. When he takes your coat, you do not have the right to take him to court; you have the responsibility to give your cloak as well.

Matthew 7:1-5 - When you see a problem with somebody else’s life, you do not have the right to try to fix it; you have the responsibility, Jesus said, to look after the issues in your own life and to take care of them.

Matthew 20 - Jesus talked about the man who hired laborers in the vineyard. Some began about at six o’clock in the morning, some at ten, some at noon, some at three, and some at five, and those who only worked an hour got the same as everybody else. When those who worked all day began to demand their right for more pay than those who worked only an hour, Jesus said, “You don’t have the right to demand that. If I want to be generous with everyone, I should be able to do that. You have the responsibility to do what you promised to do—to do a day’s for a day’s wage.”

Matthew 26 - Jesus was on trial. We realize that if there was ever a time when He could have demanded His rights, it was then. But He did not. An illegal trial, with lying witnesses, held in the middle of the night, false charges, the potential of a death sentence— yet He still remained silent. He did not demand His rights.

Matthew 20, Luke 14 - James and John talked to Jesus. They thought they had the right to be Secretary of State and Secretary of Defense, to sit on the right and on the left of Jesus in the coming Kingdom. Jesus said, “I don’t have the right to give that. An you don’t have the right to demand it. You have the responsibility to become the slave of all!” Later, He cautioned, “Do not think you have a right to sit at the head table with all the important people. If you sit down there, somebody will come and take you out of that place and put you way at the end somewhere. You have the responsibility to take the lowest seat and not the highest one.”

Luke 15 - Do you remember the story of the prodigal son? How did the younger son get into trouble? By demanding his right to his inheritance—“I want it early, I want it now, and I demand the right to do what I want with it wherever I want!” And he ended up drunk, broke, and a companion of prostitutes, finally coming home with only the desire to be a servant. And then the older brother demanded his rights. “Why does he get a banquet? Why does he get the robe? Why does he get the ring and the new shoes? Why does he get the fancy feast? I’ve been faithful here all the time doing my thing. I’ve got a right to all of that first.” And the father rebuked him and said, “No, you have the responsibility to celebrate the fact that your brother who was dead is alive again.”

John 13 - The night that Jesus was betrayed, Peter and John, who had been given the task of preparing for that meal in the Upper Room, had failed in their responsibilities to get a servant to wash the dusty feet of those who had arrived. Jesus could have said, “You call me Master and Lord and you are right, I am. One of you go get a basin and towel and come wash my feet.” He did not do that. He got the basin and towel. He went and washed their feet and said, “I am teaching you something. You are to serve one another, not lord it over each other. In the rest of the world, those who are in charge are kings; but in My Kingdom, those who are in charge must become servants.”

John 15 - In those last hours with His disciples, Jesus said to them, “You don’t even have the right to hang on to your life. Love one another. Greater love has no one than this, that he give up his right to his life for his friend. You are my friends.” And He walked out the door to give up His life for them.

John 21 - Jesus says, “Peter, do you love me?” Peter says three times, “Yes, sort of.” And then Jesus tells him that when he is old, he will die in a particular way. Understanding what Jesus meant, Peter says, “Well, what’s going to happen to John?” (Most interpreters conclude that Peter’s focus is on whether John is going to have as bad a deal as Peter is going to have -- whether what happens to him is going to be better or worse than what happens to the other disciples.) And Jesus says, “That’s none of your business. That’s not your right to know nor to worry about. Your responsibility is simple: follow me.”

Acts 26 - Paul makes his appeal to Caesar and demands his right and gets into trouble.

1 Corinthians 6. - Paul deals with people demanding their rights throughout a number of chapters in this letter. He talks about the fact that in Corinth, they have begun taking each other to secular court, Christian against Christian, demanding their rights from each other. And Paul says these lawsuits are out of order. He says in verse 7, “The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.”

In Chapter 7, he talks about the rights of husbands and wives in the marital relationship, and the fact that the responsibility is not to demand one’s sexual rights but to seek to fulfill the sexual responsibilities one has toward the other.

In Chapter 8, he talks about food given to idols, and whether or not it is right to eat such food. And he says that he one for whom it is not a problem, who considers himself strong in that regard, must give up his right for the sake of his weaker brother. Look at 8:13: “Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again so I will not cause him to fall.” Instead of demanding my right to eat meat, I will fulfill my responsibility to do without it for the good of my brother.

In Chapter 9, he is talking about his rights as an apostle, and he claims that he has those rights. But in verse 12, he says, “If others have the right of support from you, shouldn’t we have it all the more? But we did not use this right. On the contrary, we put up with anything rather than hinder the gospel of Christ.” Verse 15 says, “But I have not used any of these rights.”

All throughout the Gospels and the Epistles of Paul (and I could also take time to show you similar passages in the General Epistles), we are taught to fulfill responsibilities, not to demand rights. And so here we are with the Gospel telling us, by example in the life of Jesus and in the life of Paul, not to demand our rights. Here we are with the teachings of Jesus and Paul and the others in the New Testament telling us to fulfill responsibilities, not to demand rights. Yet here we are in our natural humanness—born, taught and trained by everything around us to demand our rights.

Let me try to make it a little more specific and plain, if I can. It begins in Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands.” Unfortunately, in the NIV, the paragraph break comes between verses 21 and 22. The thought begins in v. 21: Submit to one another, wives and husbands, submit to one another. Wives should submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

Read that Janice, it’s right there. Did you get that? That’s for you, woman!

Oh no—I do not have a right to say that. That is not addressed to me. That is addressed to her. In some countries, you can be arrested for opening somebody else’s mail. That is not my mail.

Verse 25 - John, love Janice just as Christ loved the Church. And give yourself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her. All down through these verses I find my mail—that I am to love Janice with the kind of love and with as much love and concern and care as Christ has for the Church. I have the responsibility to be for her all of those things that she needs. (And it is up to her to listen to what God is saying to her about what she should do toward me.)

A salesman came frequently to our church in Denmark. With all the churches in Denmark, he wondered why we were there building another one, what we believed, and so forth. Part of what I tried to explain to him was the fact that we believed that the gospel was intensely relevant to how we lived our lives, and that if we lived by the Bible and put Christianity into practice, our society would be transformed. I went to this passage of Scripture and explained it to him, and I said,

“Suppose my wife and I are both living by this principle of mutual submission. Suppose we are both living by the principle of not demanding our rights from each other but of fulfilling our responsibilities to one another. Now,” I said, “suppose we have a disagreement. Maybe it is a very strong disagreement, and maybe it gets heated and we exchange words with each other and say some things we should not have said. I do not have the right to go over to that corner and say, ‘She is wrong, she knows she is wrong, and there is no use talking to her until she admits she is wrong! And when she gets good and ready to admit that, then I will talk to her. But until then, I am gonna go over here and do something else.’

“I don’t have the right to do that. I have the responsibility to be the first one to go to
her and to make the apologies and to build the bridge and to make things right.

She does not have the right to go over to that corner and say, ‘He always thinks he is right. This is one time he is not, and I am not going to give in to him until he admits it. And I am not hungry anyway. I would like to lose some weight. He can fix his own supper tonight.’ No, she has the responsibility to beat me to being the one to build the bridge.”

And I said, “if both of us do that, what would the result be?” And my Danish friend said to me, “Oh, if everybody lived like that, arguments would not last long at all. There would not be any divorce in the world!” What a wonderful way that would be to live.

I have traveled a lot, and I have tried to bring something home to her frequently. She is always on a diet, so I could not bring a box of candy, and ice cream would melt (she probably would not eat that anyway). So it got harder and harder to bring something with me. I was in Chicago, I think it was, and in the airport they were selling flowers. I bought her a single, long-stemmed red rose, and took it on the plane so that when she picked me up, I could hand it to her. When I got on the plane, the stewardess said, “You’re either a thoughtful husband or you’re as guilty as sin. Something is wrong!”

Suppose I arrived home and walked in the door and said, “What happened?! You weren’t at the airport—I had to get home alone by the bus. And I don’t smell supper cooking. I’ve been traveling all day; where’s my meal?! And you should have been baking my favorite cookies or brownies or cake or something. I want to sit down and watch the football game tonight. What’s the matter with you anyway? You’ve been home all day - HAVEN’T YOU DONE ANYTHING?!”

If I get a plate of cookies, it will probably be right in the face! ;-)

But suppose instead I came home and say, “I was able to get a bus and figured something was wrong—are you okay? Here is the rose I brought you. I know you’ve been busy working over at the college and taking care of the kids. I don’t have a lot of cash, but let’s go out tonight to eat. Let’s go to that ‘golden arches’ place, that fancy restaurant, and we’ll eat together. You won’t have to fix a meal and do dishes and clean up, and we’ll have some time together.” She might be so impressed she would bake my favorite cookies before the football game starts!

You know, we all respond better to kindness than to anger. And if I devote all of my time and energy to fulfilling all of her rights to security, being cared for, her sexual needs, her protection -- then all of her rights are cared for. And if she devotes her life to fulfilling her responsibility to me, all of my rights are cared for, and all of both of our rights are cared for -- out of love, not out of demanding and selfishness and conflict.

That is what God has in mind, that we in our marriage submit to one another as if the other was the Lord, and to serve one another and to fulfill responsibilities—not to fight and fuss and fume and demand our rights from each other.

Read this throughout the whole passage and apply it to your life.

At the beginning of chapter 6, Paul writes, “Children obey your parents in the Lord.” We parents love that verse, don’t we, for our kids? But that is not my mail. Mine is, John, as a child, honor your father and mother, and as a father, don’t drive your children crazy! That is what verse 4 means in my loose paraphrase. Don’t defeat them; instead, bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord.

Then Paul turns from the husband-wife relationship and the parent-child relationship to the work relationship. He says, “Employees, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear and with sincerity of heart just as you would obey Christ. Employees, obey your earthly masters, not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve them wholeheartedly as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is employer or employee, slave or free.” And every employer would say amen to that!

And then the gospel turns the world upside-down with the few words at the beginning of the next verse: “And employers, treat your employees the very same way.” And you would not need a trade union if employers did.
Do you see what I am saying? Do you see what the gospel is saying to us? That in this one small area of life, how radically different from what God expects of us is from what the rest of society tells us, what comes naturally to us? And God is not content to treat us just as though we were merely forgiven. God is concerned to totally transform our lives and to turn upside-down the ways we interact with each other.

It will take work to be different. It will take the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, but we will have to cooperate with Him. Paul said to Timothy, “You have to train yourself to be holy.” And you will have to work at it. But you have no idea what God could do if you give up your rights.

Do you remember the little boy with the lunch? Nobody else thought to bring one to the revival meeting that day, but he did. Everybody else got hungry, but he had his lunch—five loaves and two fishes. Some big guy came and wanted to take his lunch away; and he could have said, “My lunch? I’m the only one smart enough to bring one. I’ve got a right to eat my own lunch!” But he gave up his right to that lunch and a miracle occurred. Five thousand, plus women and children, were fed that day. It could not have happened unless he gave up his rights.

Peter was on the housetop in Joppa. It was noon and he was hungry. He was praying and fell asleep. A sheet came down from heaven and a voice: “Rise, Peter, slay and eat!” And he looked at what was in the sheet and said, “Oh no, Lord! Those are all unclean animals. I’ve been trained by my culture not to eat those things.” And God said, “If I call it clean, Peter, don’t you call it unclean.” And it happened a second time, and it happened a third time. Just then there was a knock at the door. Peter still did not understand the meaning of that vision, but some men came to the front door. They were Gentiles; they wanted him to go to the home of Cornelius, the Gentile. Unclean! To enter that home. Unclean! To preach the gospel to him. Unclean! To break bread with him. Unclean! I don’t do that Lord!

“But if I have called it clean, Peter, don’t you call it unclean.”

Then Peter understood the vision. And he went to Cornelius and took the gospel to the Gentiles. He came back to Jerusalem and defended going to the Gentiles to the rest of the Church and prepared the way for the ministry that Paul would have to the Gentiles in the future.

There are things in your life and mine that are baggage that we carry from our cultural upbringing and from how society has formed us. You see, Peter was already a disciple of Christ; he had lived with Him for three years. He had stumbled and fallen and gotten back up again. He had been filled with the Holy Spirit. He was mightily used of God to win thousands in a day. He had been miraculously changed by the power of the gospel. But he had never noticed that if he hung on to that cultural concept from his past, he could not be used by God the way God wanted to use him, and the church he built would be narrow and deformed. He faced a new truth. It did not mean he was not saved; it did not mean he was not sanctified. It meant that God was trying to show him something new.

And maybe you have lived all of your life to this point demanding your rights from your parents, from others in the dorm, from your professors or your students or whoever. You have lived all of your life demanding your rights, and you never realized before how thoroughly the Scriptures teach us that that is not the Christian way to live.

I was praying with a lady at the altar after preaching this sermon once, and she said, “If I change . . . I mean my whole life has been the other way—my husband won’t know me! Everything in my life will change if I allow God to turn this upside-down. Every relationship in my life would be different. I don’t know if I have the courage to do that.” But she did it.

I remember a teen-ager who went home after camp having allowed God to show her this new light and for her to say “yes” to it. Her parents came to me and said, “What in the world did you do to Elizabeth at camp? She’s not like the teen-ager she used to be. She’s offered to help around the house; she has been polite, her whole attitude toward us has changed!” She had let God actually turn her upside-down.

Now, to avoid being mis-understood, I need to make clear that I am not saying that a battered wife must stay with and abusive husband and put their lives at risk. I am not saying self-defense is wrong or that we should never try to correct untrue things that are said about us. But I am saying that most of us tend to live our lives at the other end of that extreme. And we need to re-focus our attention onto our responsibilities rather than our rights.
This lifestyle is only possible when you are a child of God and guilt is gone. If you are living under a burden of guilt for sin, you won’t have the courage or the strength for this to happen.

This will only happen if you are filled with the Holy Spirit, and sin and self-centeredness have been purged from your life.

You can only do this if you walk daily in the light of Jesus Christ and in the power of the Holy Spirit.

You will only be able to do this if you are willing to back up, apologize, start over again and persistently pursue the goal.

And I’ll blow it with Janice, and I’ll do it wrong. And I’ll have to go back quickly and say, “Janice, I’m sorry. I slipped there. I started demanding my rights again. I’m sorry. But I’m not going to give up living the way Jesus taught us to live.” This is what it means to be measured by the fullness of Christ. This is a part of being before doing. This is Christ-likeness.

I talked to some student leaders once about it. And they said, “But if I really lived like that, other people would take advantage of me. I’m not going to be somebody’s doormat. They’re not going to walk all over me. They’d just take advantage of me, and that wouldn’t be right.” And I remembered that people took advantage of Jesus too. And there were times when He let them walk all over Him. I had better be willing to let that happen as well, if I am going to be His disciple.

It might turn you upside-down; and you might look funny to the rest of the world; and you might spend the rest of your life going around on your head, looking the world in the ankles — but for the first time in your life you will be able to look God in the eye! If we did that, it would start a revolution that could change our world.