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This is the second of two messages on the topic of “wine, women and song.”
That is, we are considering one of the world’s popular strategies for
the good life. We all want to experience the “good life.” But let’s
take a careful, honest look at how we are going to get there. Last week we
looked at “wine,” or the use of alcohol or other chemical means
to the good life. Today, let’s talk about sex.
I know that the first response of some folks to this message is that our worship
service is hardly an appropriate place to talk about this topic. But while
I recognize the sensitive nature of this subject I want to contend that this
is one of the best places to talk about sex. Certainly our society hardly
has any reservations about the subject. Opinions, values and attitudes about
sex are being expressed in the media, in our schools, in clubs, at parties,
virtually everywhere you go in our society. So, why should the church be silent?
Or perhaps the better question is how can the church be silent? So, let’s
see what a Christian perspective tells us about sex and the good life.
How should we understand sex and sexuality from a biblical perspective?
A) Sex is good – Sex wasn’t created by Hollywood, HBO, or Playboy.
They have exploited, cheapened and distorted sex, but they did not create
it. God created sex. It was his idea. (Genesis 1:27) And that means that it
is good. (Gen. 1:31) Christians should have a negative view of the distortion
and abuse of sex, but a positive view of sex or our sexuality as God created
it.
B) Sex is more than a physical act – It isn’t just about physical
stimulation. The world understands that sex is good but it doesn’t understand
what it really is. Sex involves the whole person at the center of who and
what we are as a means of relating that is not only physically, but also personally
intimate. In sexual relations there is a personal and relational as well as
physical bonding that takes place. At levels we do not completely understand
the scriptural description comes true – the two become one. Physical
consummation reflects, expresses and somehow helps to accomplish personal,
relational bonding between persons. God’s plan for sex is the expression
and consummation of bonding between persons.
How should we live, then as sexual beings? The biblical model is clear. God’s
plan is for exclusive monogamy. A man and a woman should become one flesh
– bonded together in a relational unity. This is God’s way to the
good life in our sexuality. In this way – practically, physically, psychologically,
morally and spiritually, in every way – we are able to achieve the greatest
relational intimacy and fulfillment possible to human persons.
Our ability to realize God’s plan for our sexuality is faced with four
prominent challenges.
Improper Bonding – This is the practice of casual sex. It is having sex
for the fun of it, for the pleasure. And why not? Because it results in plural
bonding. Every time a person has sex with a new partner they create an intimate
relational bond. When that is repeated our bonding ability becomes diluted,
or deadened. Eventually our ability to bond in a meaningful relationship of
true intimacy becomes damaged, perhaps destroyed.
Premature Bonding – This is having sexual relations before the relationship
has progressed and matured as it should. God has good reasons for calling
on us to delay sex until after marriage. Relationships that are healthy require
a process of development. There are progressive stages of developing intimacy
that are an important part of stable, mature relationships. When that process
is short-circuited the foundation is left incomplete and unstable. The best
gift you can give the person you love is to avoid having sex prematurely.
Multiple Bonding – This is the damage of adultery. What does it matter
if no one knows? Some even argue that a little adultery is good for marriage!
They ignore the human bonding that is part of God’s design for sex. Adultery
produces broken bonding that divides our relational connection. It erodes
and breaks down our relational bond with our marriage partner – whether
anyone ever discovers our secret or not.
Damaged Bonding – This is an increasing problem in our world. It is mental
infidelity. It may never actually involve physical contact with another partner.
For women it tends to involve romantic-sexual fantasy (like Harlequin Romances).
For men it tends to involve physical-sexual fantasy (like Playboy). (The Internet
offers frightening and tragically damaging opportunities for damaged bonding)
But Jesus said, “If a man looks after a woman to lust after her he has
already committed adultery in his heart.” Don’t fool yourself that
this doesn’t matter if it never becomes physical. Mental infidelity erodes
our bonding, diminishing our ability to develop or maintain a healthy relationship
with our present or future spouse.
The scriptural call to exclusive monogamy – sexual fidelity – is
rooted in the nature of human personality and sexuality as God created us.
Biblical principles are not remote, outdated religious rules, but current,
up-to-date guidance for healthy relationships. God does not give us biblical
principles because he is against the good life, but because he wants you to
really find it.
What do we do when our sexuality is damaged? What if we have already broken
apart what God has put together? What if we have damaged this precious gift?
We need to remember that God is a God of healing and restoring power (Romans
8:28, Ephesians 3:20). One of the most expressive images of God’s restoring
grace is found in Joel 2:25 where he declares that he will “restore the
years the locusts have eaten.” The damage of unfaithfulness can be healed.
God can heal and work for good through our brokenness. The place and time
to recover God’s plan for your sex life is here and now.
