There are three basic words in the Greek language for love.
The first word is eros. Eros refers to physical or sexual love, from which
we derive our English word “erotic.” The second word is filia. This
refers to close friendship or affection (James 4:4; cf. John 21:15-17). Philadelphia,
the “city of brotherly love,” is a form of this word. The third
word is agape¯. Agape¯ refers to Christian love. It is love without
condition, love that does not demand reciprocity. It is love that does not
require something in return for it to be offered. It can refer to either human
love for each other (Philippians 1:9), or the love of God to humanity (1 John
4:7). The source of agape¯ is always divinely inspired and empowered.
Most marriages have physical, sexual love, and most families
have some dimension of affection and friendship. What makes a family Christian
is agape¯. Agape¯ is manifested in Christian relationships because
it is the overflow of God’s love. Agape¯ is the predominant theme
of 1 Corinthians 13. The word appears 9 times in 13 verses. Although the apostle
Paul was not writing to a household, he was writing to a family—the family
of Corinth First Church.
Paul’s correspondence with the Corinthian church gives
evidence that they were a church in turmoil. There was dissension and division,
mistrust and anger. They argued about leaders and authority, social status
and money, sacraments and spiritual gifts. Leading up to chapter 13, Paul
makes clear that they were a diverse church with divergent opinions. But Paul’s
primary message was not how they were different, but how they were the same.
What unified them was Christ, and the superglue that held them together in
daily life was Christ’s love being lived out through them. Only through
agape¯ were they empowered to love despite their differences.
What is true for a church is also true for a family. We love
because God has first loved us. We forgive because God in Christ has forgiven
us. We are patient because God is patient with us. Agape¯ love refuses
to allow prejudices or paradigms, feelings or emotions, to be the driving
force of family relationships. Agape¯ is the foundation of a Christian
home.
Add a new endangered species to the list. It’s not the
bald eagle. It’s not the humpbacked whale. The new most endangered species
in the world today is the family. The statistics on the condition of the family
speak for themselves:
One in three Americans are now a member of a blended stepfamily,
and that is expected to rise to one in two by the turn of the century.
In 1960, 1 of every 20 babies was born to an unmarried mother.
Today an astounding 1 in 4 babies is born out of wedlock, an increase of more
than 450 percent in 39 years.
Domestic violence has increased to the point that now every
15 seconds a woman is being battered somewhere in America. That means by the
time this service is over, some 300 women will have been physically abused.
We are experiencing the highest divorce rate in the history
of the world and steadily increasing. That is clearly evidenced by the fact
that between 1970 and 1990 the marriage rate fell nearly 30 percent, while
the divorce rate increased nearly 40 percent. In 1960 there were 393,000 divorces
in America; by 1985 that number had increased to 1,187,000—three times
more than before. And today, demographics are telling us that more than half
of all marriages will end in divorce.
What are the implications for the children of those homes?
We now have the highest rate of child abuse, desertion, and
neglect we have ever seen.
We also have the highest rate of adolescent suicide, alcoholism,
and drug dependency we’ve ever seen.
The rate of violent crimes among juveniles is the highest in
American history.
Consider the statistical portrait of the 3.6 million children who began kindergarten in
September:
Some 14 percent were children of unmarried parents.
Some 40 percent will live in a broken home before they reach
the age of 18.
A third are latchkey children with no one to greet them when
they come home from school.
And those statistics represent a study done over 10 years ago!
My friends, those numbers are more than disturbing trends in some sociologist’s
database somewhere—those numbers represent real people with deep pain
and intense needs. The family needs help, because our houses are far from
homes.
What is the answer to those complex and complicated dilemmas?
Well, immediately we would say that the answer to those problems
is Jesus. And what those families need in their lives is a relationship with
the living God, and then all of their problems would begin to iron themselves
out. I couldn’t agree more. The families of our world desperately need
to experience the redemptive love of Christ in their lives.
The problem is it’s not just people outside the church
who are struggling in family relationships. Many Christian families are also
in turmoil. “Christian” marriages are breaking up, “Christian”
children are being lost, and “Christian” families are being fractured
into a thousand little pieces.
A beautiful house does not make a home. You can have six bedrooms,
a three-car garage, four fireplaces, and a tennis court—yet still not
have a home.
This sermon series can be beneficial for all of us because all
of us are part of a family. Whether you’re single, married with children,
married without children, or widowed, you’re still a part of a family,
and you are impacted by family relationships.
I am not an expert on the family. I am neither a perfect husband
nor father. I am not the perfect son and I’m not the perfect brother.
In fact, I can relate to the person who said: “I believe God can turn
houses into homes, but what if your house is a fixer-upper?”
Regardless of how we feel about how we’re doing in this
area, I am convinced that God has provided a plan, by the power of the Holy
Spirit in our lives, to be families that reflect accepting grace and unconditional
love. So let’s begin today by taking a look at the foundation of a Christian
home.
The words of the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13 are familiar
to us. They are not words that require us to be convinced of their truth.
All of us know that love is important to the vitality of any relationship.
A study was recently conducted among college students from various
countries. They were asked two questions: (1) Would you marry someone you
did not love? (2) Is it best to divorce if love has completely disappeared
from a marriage?
The results of that survey were fascinating.
Some 51 percent of college students from Pakistan said, “Yes,”
they would marry a person they didn’t love. And by far the majority said
they would not divorce for lack of love.
Only 2 percent of American college students said they would
marry someone they didn’t love, and 35 percent said they would divorce
if love had completely vanished from that relationship.
Those statistics help to verify the fact that a Western view
of love does play and always has played a major role in our family relationships.
But what is most startling to us about Paul’s words to the church in
Corinth and Jesus’ words from the Gospels is that LOVE IS A COMMANDMENT!
“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with
all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ [And]
‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment
greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31, rsv, italics added).
Does that surprise you? I think for the Western mind to be commanded
to love someone comes as a bit of a surprise, because most of us believe that
love is involuntary—either you’re in love, or you’re not in
love.
If you ask a guy: “Are you in love with her?” He’s
going to say: “Nope, haven’t seen her yet!” But then across
a crowded room—BANG! There she is, and suddenly he’s in love.
You see, most of us perceive love in an entirely different way than what Scripture
teaches because the Bible commands love. You say, “You can’t command
love!” Jesus commands us to love God, and He commands us to love our
neighbor. Love is a decision because love is a matter of the will. And the
biblical model of love is that it is never simply an inner emotion alone,
it always manifests itself in concrete, outward expressions.
Now most of us think love is just emotional, because we get
emotional once in a while, and it feels so good! But that’s not love:
L-O-V-E. That’s luuuv: L-U-V!
Having an emotional feeling in love is not wrong, except that
we’ve tended to limit the scope of love to the giddy feelings we have
in our stomach when we’re around someone we care about. The problem is
we can get giddy feelings in our stomach from eating too much pizza. But most
of us don’t call that love! Christian love isn’t just a feeling.
Love is a decision.
Sociologists wrestle with the ability of Mafia members to so
deeply love and respect their families that they’ve become strong advocates
for familial love. The Mafia! They have rules of respect they wouldn’t
think of violating. Now I’m not suggesting that the Mafia is a good example
of Christian love, but it does prove that love isn’t just based on a
feeling. It is a decision. And becoming a loving person under the authority
of God’s love is not just an emotion—it is a matter of the will
empowered by God’s grace.
I am grateful for the fact that my wife and I are “in love.”
But I would much rather marry a loving person than a person in love with me.
Do you know why? Because a person can say he or she is in love and then be
married. But 10 years later that person can also curse his or her spouse in
the divorce court.
(For the balance of this sermon manuscript go to www.preachersmagazine.org.)
