The Preaching Life

by Les Parrott III

This month we hear from Dr. Les Parrott III, the cofounder (with his wife, Leslie) of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Les is an ordained Nazarene minister and a professor of psychology at SPU. He is the author of the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, Becoming Soul Mates, and When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages. Visit his web site at www.RealRelationships.com

Not until their 50th wedding anniversary did a country pastor ask his wife about a mysterious blue box she kept by her bedside for their entire married life. “Oh, that old box,” she said in response to her husband’s inquiry, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to tell you what I do with it.” She then opened the box to reveal three eggs and $800 in cash.

“What’s this for?” the puzzled pastor asked.

“Every time you preached a bad sermon over the last 50 years, I put an egg from our henhouse into this box,” she replied. Before the preacher had a chance to congratulate himself, his wife continued: “Then every time I got a dozen eggs, I took them to town and cashed them in.”

Ever feel as if your spouse could get rich by following the same method? Every preacher knows the feeling of not connecting on a Sunday morning—especially if that morning’s message is on the dicey topic of marriage. So in an attempt to keep you from having egg on your face, I want to expose four myths about the marriage sermon.

If you preach the problem, they’ll find the solution. It can be tempting to paint the proverbial picture of the dismal state of our unions. “The very foundation of marriage in this country is crumbling,” I often hear preachers say. “Fifty percent of marriages today will not survive,” is a common refrain. OK, we all know that, and so does your congregation. So give them tools for combating divorce. Give them steps to cultivate more intimacy. Show them practical ways for strengthening their commitment. Reveal the real-life application of forgiveness in marriage. Don’t paint a gloomy picture without real-life solutions.

The more perfect you appear, the more respect you gain. My friend Gary Smalley often says he has made his living by making private mistakes in his marriage and then talking about them publicly. And if you’ve ever attended one of Gary’s acclaimed marriage seminars, you know how he keeps an audience spellbound with his vulnerability. So take a lesson from Gary. The more authentic you are, the more credibility you have in the pulpit. You don’t have to reveal all, but showing a few of your own foibles goes a long way.

Your spouse will enjoy hearing about herself in your sermon. Let me quickly follow my last tip with the suggestion to clear all illustrations about your marriage with your spouse. Nothing makes a congregation cringe more than hearing about an intimate marriage moment that could reflect poorly on your partner. Ever notice how your parishioners’ heads swivel when you begin to talk about him or her? So be sure to give your partner veto power on personal illustrations.

Christian couples know how to have spiritual intimacy. If you were to survey couples in your congregation on how important spiritual intimacy is to their marriage, most would say it’s a 10 out of 10. If you then asked how satisfied they are right now with their level of spiritual intimacy, they would tell you, on average, about a 3. So consider speaking on how a husband and wife can walk together with God; not out of compulsion, not out of duty, but because it brings their spirits together like nothing else. I visit a lot of churches every year, and I don’t think I have ever heard a sermon devoted to this topic we too often take for granted.