A Classic Holiness Sermon

On the Education of Children

by John Wesley

“Train up a child in the way wherein he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6.

We must not imagine that these words are to be understood in an absolute sense, as if no child that had been trained up in the way wherein he should go had ever departed from it. Matter of fact . . . it has been a common observation, “Some of the best parents have the worst children.” . . .

The words, then, must be understood with some limitation, and then they contain an unquestionable truth. It is a general, though not an universal, promise; and many have found the happy accomplishment of it. As this is the most probable method for making their children pious, which any parents can take, so it generally, although not always, meets with the desired success. The God of their fathers is with their children; he blesses their endeavours; and they have the satisfaction of leaving their religion, as well as their worldly substance, to those that descend from them.

But what is “the way wherein a child should go?” and how shall we “train him up” therein? The ground of this is admirably well laid down by Mr. Law, in his “Serious Call to a Devout Life.” Part of his words are,—

“Had we continued perfect as God created the first man, perhaps the perfection of our nature had been a sufficient self-instructer for every one. But as sickness and diseases have created the necessity of medicines and physicians, so the disorders of our rational nature have introduced the necessity of education and tutors.

“And as the only end of a physician is, to restore nature to its own state, so the only end of education is, to restore our rational nature to its proper state. Education, therefore, is to be considered as reason borrowed at second-hand, which is, as far as it can, to supply the loss of original perfection. And as physic may justly be called the art of restoring health, so education should be considered in no other light, than as the art of recovering to man his rational perfection.” . . .

Let it be carefully remembered all this time, that God, not man, is the physician of souls; that it is he, and none else, who giveth medicine to heal our natural sickness; that all “the help which is done upon earth, he doeth it himself;” that none of all the children of men is able to “bring a clean thing out of an unclean;” and, in a word, that “it is God who worketh in us, both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” But it is generally his pleasure to work by his creatures; to help man by man. He honours men to be, in a sense, “workers together with him.” By this means the reward is ours, while the glory redounds to him.

This being premised, in order to see distinctly what is the way wherein we should train up a child, let us consider, What are the diseases of his nature? What are those spiritual diseases which every one that is born of a woman brings with him into the world?

Is not the first of these Atheism? After all . . . it does not appear, that man has naturally any more idea of God that any of the beasts of the field; he has no knowledge of God at all; no fear of God at all; neither is God in all his thoughts. Whatever change may afterwards be wrought, (whether by the grace of God, or by his own reflection, or by education,) he is, by nature, a mere Atheist.

Indeed, it may be said, that every man is by nature, as it were, his own god. He worships himself. He is, in his own conception, absolute lord of himself. . . .

Another evil disease which every human soul brings into the world with him, is pride; a continual proneness to think of himself more highly than he ought to think. Every man can discern more or less of this disease in everyone—but himself. And, indeed, if he could discern it in himself, it would subsist no longer; for he would then, in consequence, think of himself just as he ought to think.

The next disease, natural to every human soul, born with every man, is love of the world. Every man is, by nature, a lover of the creature, instead of the Creator; a “lover of pleasure,” in every kind, “more than a lover of God.” He is a slave to foolish and hurtful desires, in one kind or another; either to the “desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes, or the pride of life.” . . .

A deviation from truth is equally natural to all the children of men. One said in his haste, “All men are liars;” but we may say, upon cool reflection, All natural men will, upon a close temptation, vary from, or disguise, the truth. If they do not offend against veracity, if they do not say what is false, yet they frequently offend against simplicity. They use art; they hang out false colours; they practise either simulation, or dissimulation. So that you cannot say truly of any person living, till grace has altered nature, “Behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile!”

Every one is likewise prone, by nature, to speak or act contrary to justice. This is another of the diseases which we bring with us into the world. All human creatures are naturally partial to themselves, and, when opportunity offers, have more regard to their own interest or pleasure than strict justice allows. Neither is any man, by nature, merciful as our heavenly Father is merciful; but all, more or less, transgress that glorious rule of mercy as well as justice, “Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, the same do unto them.”

Now, if these are the general diseases of human nature, is it not the grand end of education to cure them? And is it not the part of all those to whom God has entrusted the education of children, to take all possible care, first, not to increase, not to feed, any of these diseases; (as the generality of parents constantly do;) and next, to use every possible means of healing them?

To come to particulars: What can parents do, and mothers more especially, to whose care our children are necessarily committed in their tender years, with regard to the Atheism that is natural to all the children of men? How is this fed by the generality of parents, even those that love, or at least fear, God; while, in spending hours, perhaps days, with their children, they hardly name the name of God! Meantime, they talk of a thousand other things in the world that is round about them. Will not then the things of the present world, which surround these children on every side, naturally take up their thoughts, and set God at a greater distance from them (if that be possible) than he was before? Do not parents feed the Atheism of their children farther, by ascribing the works of creation to nature? Does not the common way of talking about nature, leave God quite out of the question? Do they not feed this disease, whenever they talk in the hearing of their children, of anything happening so or so? of things coming by chance? of good or ill fortune? as also when they ascribe this or that event to the wisdom or power of men; or, indeed, to any other second causes, as if these governed the world? Yea, do they not feed it unawares, while they are talking of their own wisdom, or goodness, or power to do this or that, without expressly mentioning, that all these are the gift of God? All this tends to confirm the Atheism of their children, and to keep God out of their thoughts. . . .

What can we do to cure their self-will? It is equally rooted in their nature, and is, indeed, the original idolatry, which is not confined to one age or country, but is common to all the nations under heaven. And how few parents are to be found even among Christians, even among them that truly fear God, who are not guilty of this matter! . . . To let them have their own will, does this most effectually. To let them take their own way, is the sure method of increasing their self-will sevenfold. But who has the resolution to do otherwise? One parent in a hundred! . . . A wise parent . . . should begin to break their will the first moment it appears. In the whole art of Christian education there is nothing more important than this. The will of a parent is to a little child in the place of the will of God. Therefore studiously teach them to submit to this while they are children, that they may be ready to submit to his will when they are men. . . .

Never, on any account, give a child any thing that it cries for. For it is a true observation, (and you may make the experiment as often as you please,) if you give a child what he cries for, you pay him for crying; and then he will certainly cry again. “But if I do not give it to him when he cries, he will scream all day long.” If he does, it is your own fault; for it is in your power effectually to prevent it: For no mother need suffer a child to cry aloud after it is a year old. “Why, it is impossible to hinder it.” So many suppose, but it is an entire mistake. I am a witness of the direct contrary; and so are many others. My own mother had ten children, each of whom had spirit enough; yet not one of them was ever heard to cry aloud after it was a year old. . . . This, therefore, may be done by any woman of sense, who may thereby save herself abundance of trouble, and prevent that disagreeable noise, the squalling of young children, from being heard under her roof. . . .

It is hard to say, whether self-will or pride be the more fatal distemper. It was chiefly pride that threw down so many of the stars of heaven, and turned angels into devils. But what can parents do in order to check this until it can be radically cured?

First. Beware of adding fuel to the flame, of feeding the disease which you should cure. Almost all parents are guilty of doing this, by praising their children to their face. If you are sensible of the folly and cruelty of this, see that you sacredly abstain from it. . . . Is it not a grievous incentive to pride, even if they are praised for what is truly praise-worthy? Is it not doubly hurtful, if they are praised for things not truly praise-worthy;—things of an indifferent nature, as sense, good-breeding, beauty, elegance of apparel? This is liable not only to hurt their heart, but their understanding also. It has a manifest and direct tendency to infuse pride and folly together; to pervert both their taste and judgment; teaching them to value what is dung and dross in the sight of God. . . . If you ask, “But how shall I encourage them when they do well, if I am never to commend them?” I answer, I did not affirm this; I did not say, “You are never to commend them.” I know many writers assert this, and writers of eminent piety. They say, “To commend man, is to rob God;” and therefore condemn it altogether. But what say the Scriptures? I read there, that our Lord himself frequently commended his own disciples; and the great Apostle scruples not to commend the Corinthians, Philippians, and divers others to whom he writes. We may not, therefore, condemn this altogether. But I say, use it exceeding sparingly; and when you use it, let it be with the utmost caution, directing them, at the same moment, to look upon all they have as the free gift of God; and with the deepest self-abasement to say, “Not unto us, not unto us, but unto thy name give the praise!”

Next to self-will and pride, the most fatal disease with which we are born, is “love of the world.” But how studiously do the generality of parents cherish this in its several branches! They cherish “the desire of the flesh,” that is, the tendency to seek happiness in pleasing the outward senses. . . . They feed in them “the desire of the eyes,” the propensity to seek happiness in pleasing the imagination, by giving them pretty playthings, glittering toys, shining buckles or buttons, fine clothes, red shoes, laced hats, needless ornaments, as ribands, necklaces, ruffles; yea, and by proposing any of these as rewards for doing their duty, which is stamping a great value upon them. . . .

In direct opposition to all this, a wise and truly kind parent will take the utmost care, not to cherish in her children the desire of the flesh. . . . With this view she will suffer them to taste no food but milk, till they are weaned; which a thousand experiments show is most safely and easily done at the seventh month. And then accustom them to the most simple food, chiefly of vegetables. She may inure them to taste only one kind of food, beside bread at dinner, and constantly to breakfast and sup on milk, either cold or heated, but not boiled. She may use them to sit by her at meals; and ask for nothing, but take what is given them. . . . If fruit, comfits, or anything of the kind be given them, let them not touch it but at meals. And never propose any of these as a reward; but teach them to look higher than this.

But herein a difficulty will arise, which it will need much resolution to conquer. Your servants, who will not understand your plan, will be continually giving little things to your children, and thereby undoing all your work. This you must prevent, if possible, by warning them when they first come into your house, and repeating the warning from time to time. If they will do it notwithstanding, you must turn them away. Better lose a good servant than spoil a good child.

Possibly you may have another difficulty to encounter, and one of a still more trying nature. Your mother or your husband’s mother, may live with you; and you will do well to show her all possible respect. But let her on no account have the least share in the management of your children. She would undo all that you had done; she would give them their own will in all things. She would humour them to the destruction of their souls, if not their bodies too. In fourscore years I have not met with one woman that knew how to manage grandchildren. My own mother, who governed her children so well, could never govern one grandchild. In every other point obey your mother. Give up your will to hers. But with regard to the management of your children, steadily keep the reins in your own hands. . . .

Again: The generality of parents feed anger in their children; yea, the worst part of it; that is, revenge. The silly mother says, “What hurt my child? Give me a blow for it.” What horrid work is this! Will not the old murderer teach them this lesson fast enough? Let the Christian parent spare no pains to teach them just the contrary. Remind them of the words of our blessed Lord: “It was said of old, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil;” not by returning evil for evil. Rather than this, “if a man take away thy cloak, let him take thy coat also.” Remind him of the words of the great Apostle: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves. For it is written, Vengeance is mine: I will repay, saith the Lord.”

The generality of parents feed and increase the natural falsehood of their children. How often may we hear that senseless word, “No, it was not you; it was not my child that did it; say, it was the cat.” What amazing folly is this! Do you feel no remorse, while you are putting a lie in the mouth of your child, before it can speak plain? . . . Let the wise parent, on the contrary, teach them to “put away all lying,” and both in little things and great, in jest or earnest, speak the very truth from their heart. Teach them to abhor and despise, not only lying, but all equivocating, all cunning and dissimulation. Use every means to give them a love of truth,—of veracity, sincerity, and simplicity, and of openness both of spirit and behaviour.

Most parents increase the natural tendency to injustice in their children, by conniving at their wronging each other; if not laughing at, or even applauding, their witty contrivances to cheat one another. Beware of every thing of this kind; and from their very infancy sow the seeds of justice in their hearts, and train them up in the exactest practice of it. . . .

Many parents connive likewise at the ill-nature of their children, and thereby strengthen it. But truly affectionate parents will not indulge them in any kind or degree of unmercifulness. They will not suffer them to vex their brothers or sisters, either by word or deed. They will not allow them to hurt, or give pain to, anything that has life. . . . Ye that are truly kind parents, in the morning, in the evening, and all the day beside, press upon all your children, “to walk in love, as Christ also loved us, and gave himself for us;” to mind that one point, “God is love; and he that dwelleth in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him.”

From The Works of John Wesley, 3rd ed. (reprint, Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, 1979), 7:86-98.