Printer Friendly VersionThere's nothing quite like a faithful friend, is there? If you have ever in your life had a faithful friend come to your aid in a time of need, you know how true that statement is.
You probably remember that Jackie Robinson was the first black to play major league baseball. While breaking baseball's "color barrier," he faced jeering crowds in every stadium. One day, while playing in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error. His own fans began to ridicule and taunt him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans jeered. But that's when shortstop "Pee Wee" Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
That's the kind of thing that a friend can do. It is a tremendous comfort to know that there are people in this world I could call at any time, no matter the day or hour and they would come to my aid.
However, much as we can appreciate the value of a good friend, we probably also know the pain of being failed or even betrayed by a friend. That may one of the most painful pains of all. Maybe that's why 54 percent of pet owners surveyed said they would choose their pet as a companion over another human being if stranded on a desert island.
There are few things as wonderful as the presence of a good friend. There are few things as hurtful as the failure of a friend to really be there for us. I think our friend, Job, understood about that.
We are seeking to listen to life of Job as he teaches us about suffering and what it means. We heard last week the story of Job's unbelievable suffering and his initial response to it. But in the reading for today, we are introduced to Job's friends. Three men that are identified here (actually we find later there were four) who came to Job's side in his suffering and wanted to help.
It seems at first glance that Job's friends did a pretty good job. And in fact they did some important things right. But as we read on in the story of Job, we discover that these "friends" eventually become tormenters. You know the saying, "With friends like this, who needs enemies." Well, job knew quite well what it was to have friends like that.
Now we could pick apart the inadequacies of these friends, but we need to go a step further than that. We need to learn something from them about how to really come alongside someone who is suffering. All of us have that opportunity at some point. Unfortunately, many of us avoid that opportunity for a number of different reasons. But one of the important parts of this whole question of suffering has to do with how to be a true friend to someone who is walking through a difficult time.
So let's think about what true friends do and what they don't do in order to be a blessing to someone who is suffering. These friend's of Job do some things right. First of all, they show up. At great personal expense, they show up. These friends came to Job as a result of planning. This was not a spur of the moment decision, but an organized effort.
Second, they keep their mouths shut (at least at first). For seven days and seven nights they don't attempt to speak to Job's suffering because it's so intense. They are just there, with him. That is so critical. It's the power of presence. Sometimes I hear people say that they stay away from situations where folks are suffering intensely because they just don't know what to say. Well, here's the answer. Don't say anything. Just be there.
This is how the situation sits for a long time. The atmosphere was tense. Nobody spoke. Job's pain was visibly unbearable. Then after the time of silence, finally like a thunderclap job breaks the silence with his great lament of chapter three. Job's lament is bitter. He curses the day of his birth and grieves the total loss of anything close to peace and quietness. He now has nothing but turmoil.
The friends do pretty well until Job gives voice to his anguish. It is so raw, so surprising, that his friends are compelled to "answer" it and "deal with it." And that's when their friendship turns into a burden for Job. Eliphaz is the first to speak to job. He basically says to him, "job, you'd better quit talking this way or you will really be in trouble. You're not nearly so innocent in this as you think you are. Besides, God is really doing you a favor by treating you this way." Job's listens to him and then responds by basically saying, "Listen, if this is how God does favors, no thanks!
Then it's Bildad's turn. He comes at Job and essentially says, "Do you think God has made a mistake here? God doesn't mess up. So you watch your mouth." And Job's response is, "Maybe God is blameless in this, but does that mean I can't complain about it?"
Then Zophar takes his shot. He says, "Job, you don't understand the first thing about the mystery of God. You don't understand who he is, so you'd better quit talking like you do." And after Job listens for awhile he says to Zophar, "I'm sure you speak for all the experts, and when you die there'll be no one left to tell us how to live. But for now, leave me alone."
So Job takes his lament again directly to God. Then each of the friends takes another shot at Job. Then another. These guys won't let up now. There an old country proverb that says, "If one man calls you a donkey, pay him no mind. If two men call you a donkey, get a saddle." Think about what your reaction would be if three of your closest friends were telling you that you were dead wrong and you'd better straighten up fast or else. But Job will hear none of it.
So by the time we come to chapter 16 Job really lets them have it. He tells them that they are no friends at all and that if he were in their position he could be smart and have all the answers too! However, he says, he wouldn't do that. Instead of giving answers, he would "console and comfort" which gives us a window into what job really needed from his friends.
Somehow Job's friends, though they do some things right, really missed the mark. Now did the friends speak truth? Yes, they did. They say some things to Job about God that are correct. Did it help? No. Why not? Because the time wasn't right.
You know some of us are so concerned in our relationships with getting the truth across that we cease to be helpful. There is a teachable moment, we all have it, when we are open to the truth. But sometimes you have to wait. Sometimes you have to wait a long time before one is ready to deal with truth.
Finally, mercifully (in chapter 32) Job's friends fall silent. A fourth friend, Elihu, whose been quiet until now takes a crack at it, with no better results. It's right after this that God finally speaks to Job and we'll hear more about that in the next couple of weeks. But it's interesting at the end of Job to hear God's evaluation of how these friends did. Eugene Peterson renders he words of God this way as he speaks to Eliphaz: "I've had with you and your two friends. I'm fed up! You haven't been honest either with me or about me - not the way my friend Job has." So he made them go to Job for intercession and through Job's intercession God forgave them for their failure.
So what are we to learn from this? What does all this mean for friends who have the chance to come alongside one who is suffering and be helpful? Let me summarize with these four observations: four principles for caregivers, if you will. One is the power of presence, the power of silent presence. In other words, "Show up and then shut up."
Two, remember that we are not called into another's suffering to give answers. We are called to be co-learners and we have much to learn from sufferers. I had this conversation with my mother this week with regard to caring for my ailing father. She is concerned about taking him to church because he sometimes speaks out in the service now and people don't always understand his changing moods.
I talked with her about their need for the community of faith. But beyond that, I talked with her about how their church has things to learn from dad. We need to hear from those who are suffering. We need to hear from those who are disabled. We need to hear from those who don't really fit in, who disrupt things and say embarrassing things. They need to be here and we need them to be here. Because it's in learning to live together and give grace to each other that we truly become the people of God. By the way, sufferers have an amazing ability to guide us in our comfort, if only we will let them. Don't assume to know what a sufferer needs. Ask them. Let them guide you.
Third, we dare not try to minimize our discomfort by minimizing or explaining their pain. I believe that Job's friends were so terrified by his situation that they were desperate to somehow explain it. If you can explain it, you can control it. But there was no explaining this and God finally becomes very angry with the fact that these friends tried to explain it away.
And finally, timing is everything. It takes a lot of listening and a lot of presence to finally get the opportunity to speak and offer words of wisdom and truth. What we do not have is the luxury of idly sitting by and watching others suffer. We cannot simply say, "My, that's too bad for them." A glib "I'm praying for you" is not always enough. Sufferers need friends. And you and I are called to be friends. Let's ask God to give us grace so that we might friends who bless, who give life, who point the way to Christ in the midst of the darkness.
