In this passage we are introduced to Job's friends. These are three men (we
find out later there were four) who came to Job's side in his suffering and
wanted to help. It seems at first glance that Job's friends did a pretty good
job. In fact, they did some important things right. As we read on in the story,
we discover that these "friends" eventually become tormentors. But
there are both positive and negative lessons to be learned about what it means
to come alongside in a helpful way a person who is suffering.
The friends did some things right. First, they showed up. Even at great personal
expense. They came as a result of planning. This was not a spur-of-the-moment
decision but an organized effort. Second, they kept their mouths shut (at
least at first). For seven days and seven nights they didn't attempt to speak
to Job's suffering because it was so intense. They were just there with him.
The power of presence.
It's when Job finally breaks his silence and in chapter 3 launches his bitter
lament that the friends get verbally involved. Job's lament is so raw and
so surprising that his friends are compelled to speak to it. That's when their
friendship turns into a burden for Job.
The attempt of Job's friends to enter into his suffering and to help teaches
us some important lessons about how the community of faith should and should
not behave when trying to comfort the afflicted. Too often God's people have
been guilty of adding more affliction!
Although this sermon rises from chapter 2, verses 11 through 13, it certainly
must have in view the unfolding of Job's relationship with these friends throughout
the subsequent chapters of the narrative.
Most of us have had occasion to minister to a friend or loved one in times
of suffering. It's a hard job. Knowing what to do and what not to do is a
real challenge. And many of us know the pain of clumsy attempts of friends
to comfort us. We can relate to the common saying, "With friends like
that, who needs enemies?"
But we also know the tremendous comfort from a true friend. There's nothing
quite like a faithful friend coming to your aid at a time of need. The question
is, "When someone is suffering, what does it take to be a good and helpful
friend? And how can I avoid being hurtful?"
God's Answer
The answer to this dilemma can be found in a careful study of what Job's friends
did right and what they did wrong. They did several things right, as mentioned
above. Then they got nervous and uncomfortable with the situation and became
tormentors instead of friends. God does evaluate the "ministry"
of these friends, and not very favorably. In chapter 42 God speaks to Eliphaz
and essentially says, "I've had it with you and your two friends. I'm
fed up! You haven't been honest either with me or about me--not the way my
friend Job has" (v. 7, TM). God made these friends go to Job for intercession,
and through Job's intercession God forgave them for their failure. So how
we minister to our suffering friends matters to Him.
Our Response
There are four observations or principles for caregivers that can rise from
this story and provide a point of specific response for the hearers.
First is the power of presence--the power of silent presence. In other words,
"Show up and then shut up."
Second is to remember that we are not called into another's suffering to give
answers. We are called to be colearners, and we have much to learn from sufferers.
Third, we dare not try to minimize our discomfort by minimizing or explaining
away the pain of the sufferer. Job's friends were terrified by his situation
and were desperate to somehow explain it and make sense of it.
Fourth, timing is everything. It takes a lot of listening and a lot of presence
to finally get the opportunity to speak and offer words of wisdom and truth.
What we do not have in all of this is the luxury of sitting idly by while
others suffer. Hurting people need friends. We are called by God to be friends.
(For a complete manuscript of this sermon, go to www.preachersmagazine.org.)
In order to connect to the importance of competent friendship, people need
to remember how it is to have friends that really help us in times of need.
I told the story of how Pee Wee Reese came to the rescue of Jackie Robinson
when he was the first Black to play major league baseball. After committing
an error, the crowd ruthlessly jeered Robinson. Reese came over and stood
next to Robinson, put his arm around him, and faced the crowd until the fans
grew quiet. Jackie Robinson later said that Reese's arm around his shoulder
saved his career.
We also know what it means to have friends that become more like enemies.
This was Job's dilemma. It would be easy to pick apart the inadequacies of
Job's friends, but we need to go a step farther than that. We need to learn
from them about how to really come alongside someone who is suffering.
A simple recounting of the things Job's friends did right and then the things
they did wrong can bring alive the choices that are before us whenever we
try to provide support for a hurting friend.
We also need to hear that God eventually does have an evaluation of the ministry
of Job's friends. This whole issue does matter to God because it has to do
with how we represent Him.
